The Best Part

It had been a normal day. Well, normal for Roxanne, anyways. She was on top of the Lair's roof, tied to her chair, half-listening as Megamind explained his latest plot. Not the plot they were currently in the middle of, he'd gotten bored of explaining that one and moved on to others he had planned.

So far her favorite was 'bee army', but she wasn't really paying attention to any of them. The kidnapping had gotten her out of a stressful meeting at work, the day was clear and bright, and Roxanne was feeling nicely relaxed. Metro Man's entrance was still a while off, so maybe she could just take a nap or...

Wait, what had Megamind just said? There was no way. She tuned in for a second, convinced she'd misunderstood in her distraction, but no. He was serious. How could he possibly be serious?!

"Megamind." She snapped, her shock making her voice harsher than she intended. Megamind and Minion both startled, turning to her with equally surprised looks. "Squirty guns are not appropriate villainous weapons!"

"Told you, Sir." Minion smirked, making Megamind splutter indignantly.

"But humans hate water!" He protested, voice coming out a bit more defensive and whiny than he would've liked. Luckily, the cameras weren't on yet. He thumped his tail against the ground, scowling like a villain should. "Humans have deep-rooted phobias regarding water, and I plan to take advahn-taj of that fact!"

"Some humans have phobias of water, yes." Roxanne agreed, being unreasonably fair in her opinion. "But that's usually of bodies of water. Like the ocean, which is full of dangerous things like sharks, so..."

Megamind blinked, looking away for a second while he thought. He turned back, expression uncertain. "I could... Make the water come out shaped like sharks? Like shark bullets..?"

"Shark bullets?" Roxanne repeated, face going blank.

"Shark water bullets, technically." Megamind responded by way of confirmation.

Roxanne burst into laughter, face split into a wide grin, once more startling the two Supervillains. "Oh my God, can you actually do that?"

"Don't know." Megamind shrugged, losing the fight against his own grin. "It will be interesting to try, though."

"Oh! Oh!" Roxanne stopped laughing, suddenly caught on an idea. It was a long shot, but... "Do you have a venue for the squirty gun plan yet?"

"Um, no." Megamind eyed her warily. "Operation: Aquaphobic Attack does not have a venue yet. Why?"

"Because there's this awful charity fundraiser I have to report on every year, and it has a sea food theme." Roxanne's grin grew when the other two flinched at the words 'sea food'. "Yes! Exactly, it's horrible. Anyways, it's the fifth of next month and if you can finish the guns by then, maybe you could crash it and spare me a torturous evening with a bunch of rich snobs?"

"You want us to crash a fundraiser?" Minion asked, sharing a look with Megamind. "A charity fundraiser? To be clear, Miss Ritchi, you are actually requesting that we steal from a charity?"

"They pocket most of it anyways." Roxanne dismissed flippantly, too excited to give up easily. "Everyone knows it, but no one can actually prove it."

"We can't just rob a corrupt charity." Megamind shook his head after a long moment of consideration. Before Roxanne could protest or feel too disappointed, he continued. "It's too simple for Supervillains, we're going to need some interesting and/or insane reason to crash their gates. Ideas, Miss Ritchi?"

"Oh, uh..." Well, that threw her for a loop. She wasn't usually asked for input on the Evil Plans. It was kinda exciting. "I know! They've got live lobsters and octopus and stuff in giant tanks each year, you could be stealing them for a future cyborg army that doesn't work out, maybe?"

Or does, because that would be awesome, but Roxanne does still have a reputation to think about. A reputation that she was probably already ruining by suggesting a venue, almost certainly ruining by brainstorming motives, but would definitely be ruining if she cheered for the cyborg army. Yes, that definitely seemed like a good, solid line to avoid.

"Live?" Minion repeated, looking faintly sick. "Please don't tell me that's for the reason I'm thinking of."

Roxanne winced, which was apparently enough answer for the horrified-looking aquatic aliens in front of her.

Megamind cleared his throat, determined but dark smile making his features almost scary. "Alright, Operation: Roxanne Ritchi's Revenge is a go!"

"You are not calling it that!" Roxanne protested, scowling to hide a delighted smirk.

"Whyever not, my dear, brilliant little Evil Queen in training?" Megamind feigned innocent confusion for all of three seconds before melting into a sharp-toothed, taunting expression. "Afraid people will know that you convinced me to do this, Temptress?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Roxanne insisted stubbornly, equally taunting look settling on her own face. "And, besides, you couldn't prove it even if I did give you a few minor suggestions."

"Minor suggestions?" Megamind squawked, laughing. "You basically planned the entire thing, you..."

It was a good two hours before Metro Man arrived. Two hours of arguing, and banter, and working out some more kinks in the plan. Then the Hero was there, the cameras were on, and it was back to the Game.

Ahh, kidnappings really were the best part of Roxanne's day :)