35 sparksChapter 1: Yahoo!
Wayne: I have no idea what to do.
Megamind: What else is new?
Wayne: Oh, wait! Yahoo Answers!
Megamind: ...
Megamind: Okay, now I know you're messing with me.
Chapter 2: Nachos
Wayne: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.
Megamind: I want to call you an idiot, but that's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.
Chapter 3: Not So Above It All
Megamind: The first time you opened a box of Cheerios, you looked inside and yelled 'OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!!'
Wayne: Yeah, well you're the one who tried to plant them.
Megamind: I was trying to help Minion start a garden!
Wayne: ...
Megamind: Uh, I mean...
Megamind: I was mocking you?
Chapter 4: Grudges
Wayne: Hey, little buddy!
Megamind: Leave before there's a terrible understanding between my foot and your ass.
Chapter 5: Oops
Wayne: I am an expert at identifying birds.
Megamind: Really? What about those ones over there?
Wayne: Yep, those are definitely birds alright.
Megamind: Ha! No, they aren't! They're Brainbots, moron!
Megamind: No, wait, the Brainbots aren't here yet; those really are birds.
Wayne: HA!
Chapter 6: Nope-nopity-nope-nope-NO
Wayne: Hey, little buddy, can you do me a favor?
Megamind: Sorry-not-sorry, but I have to go do litter-rally anything other than this.
Wayne: It's literally.
Wayne: And you don't even have a reason?
Megamind: No, I do.
Wayne: Well? What is it?
Megamind: You see, I hate you.
Chapter 7: Or Treat
Metro Man: You tricked me!
Megamind: I deceived you. ‘Trick’ makes it sound like we have a friendly relationship.
Chapter 8: Zero Hero
Megamind: If you could guess, how many brain cells do you have?
Wayne: Dorito’s cool ranch.
Megamind: ...
Megamind: Okay, I'm just gonna assume zero for now.
Wayne: I love that song!
Chapter 9: Slam Dunk
Wayne: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry?
Megamind: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.
Chapter 10: You Don't Say?
Wayne: You might not know this, little buddy, but I am a flawed person.
Megamind, sarcastically: No! Reeeaaallly?
Chapter 11: For The Love Of The Game
Megamind: Metro Mahn, can I ask you a ques-tin?
Metro Man: You can ask me a question, sure.
Megamind: Why don't you go back to your own house and leave us alone?
Metro Man: ...I want to say it's because you're threatening the mayor.
Metro Man: Honestly, though, I'm just bored and you look really funny when you're angry.
Chapter 12: There Are No– YES THERE ARE
Wayne: Can I ask a dumb question?
Megamind: Better than anyone I know.
Chapter 13: Canon
Megamind: BE A BETTER PERSON!
Music Man: WHY?!
Megamind: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS NEMESIS-SHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, JACKASS!
Chapter 14: Geniuses Just Wanna Have Fun
Megamind, piloting a giant battle bot: [to Metro Man] I came out here to have a good time and I'm oh-nest-aly feeling so attacked right now.
Chapter 15: Gaslight (Just Sayin')
Funeral or war meeting to discuss what to do about Tighten? You decide.
Megamind: We are gathered here today because someone– [glares at Metro Man’s coffin] –couldn’t stay alive!
Chapter 16: Metro Man Comes Out (It Does Not Go Well)
Things you shouldn't have to be warned to avoid: coming out to your Supervillain rival and accidentally making him angry because he thinks you're leading the damsel on.
Megamind: Do you support gay rights?
Wayne: I’m literally gay.
Megamind: You're avoiding the ques-tin!
Megamind: ...aren't you dating Miss Ritchi?
Wayne: Uhh... I can explain?
Megamind, glaring: You might want to run now.
Chapter 17: No Cutting
Metro Man: I’m gonna kill you.
Megamind: Get in line!
Chapter 18: This Could've Ended Differently
Wayne: Bonjour, little buddy. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi?
Megamind: No, I don't want to sleep with you.
Wayne: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.
Chapter 19: Daddy-O
Do people actually take Advil for headaches? That seems a little overkill, doesn't it?
Wayne, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy-o.
Megamind: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.
Chapter 20: Water Under The Burning Bridge
Wayne: Hey bestie–
Megamind: Fuck off.
Wayne: What did I do to you– you know what, actually, please don't answer that.
Megamind: Too late. Do you want me to list it chronologically or by level of trauma induced?
Chapter 21: Not-Urnal
Wayne: Megamind is not a morning person. Or a night person. There’s really only about seven minutes a day you are remotely fun to be around.
Megamind, grinning: The best part is that you never know when they’re coming.
Chapter 22: Nutshell
Metro Man: I'm invincible, you’d be stupid to lay a hand on me.
Megamind: Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do.
Chapter 23: Against All Odds
//After several explosions and a mishap with a sonic buzzsaw
Metro Man: How the Hell are you still alive?
Megamind, wielding a sword somehow made of grenades: Honestly, I’m just as confused as you are.
Chapter 24: Soulrivals
Metro Man, fighting a different Supervillain: Ha! Don't you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper?
Wayne: I must be losing it, I'm quoting Megamind. Why must all the other villains be so boring?
Supervillain: Hey!
Metro Man: Shut up, loser. [punches him] Eh, it's just not the same...
Chapter 25: Turnabout Is Fairplay
Wayne: Why are you always trying to aggravate me?
Megamind: To relax.
Wayne: Seriously?
Megamind: And rev-ahnge.
Wayne: Revenge. Okay, I guess that–
Megamind: And you make this really funny face when you get angry.
Wayne: ...I hate you.
Megamind: It wouldn't be as much fun if you didn't.
Chapter 26: Lessons
Megamind: I learned a valuable lesson from this.
Metro Man: I’m guessing it is a horrible distortion on the lesson you actually should’ve taken away…
Megamind: DEATH ISN’T REAL AND I AM BASICALLY GOD!
Metro Man: ...
Megamind: Or, well, the Devil. Cause Evil.
Metro Man: At least that's better than the lesson you learned last time.
Megamind: I still think nuking the moon is our only option.
Chapter 27: Chase
Metro Man: Where do you think you're going?
Megamind, on Hoverbike: Hell, eventually!
Chapter 28: Vacation?
Wayne knew exactly what he was asking.
Why are they traveling together? Don't know, but it probably involves Roxanne and/or Minion.
//The squad has just arrived in a new city. Megamind looks around at the wanted posters to see if he's on any of them.
Wayne: Megamind, are you a criminal?
Megamind: Not here, I’m not!
Wayne: Good, I'm so not up to arresting you on my day off.
Megamind: You might want to avoid looking in my suitcase, then.
Chapter 29: Totally How That Went Down
Megamind: So you falsified your demise because you feel unfulfilled and taken advantage of?
Music Man: I wouldn’t put it in those words exactly.
Megamind: Why not?
Music Man: Because I don't know what they mean.
Chapter 30: Messing With A Hero's Head
Megamind: I’m taking a look at your numbers, and it doesn’t look good. You have a lot of meza-ruments. Quite a few very-ables.
Wayne: Is that… bad?
Megamind: Very-ables are the #1 risk factor for outcomes. The past is a big contra-butohr to the future.
Wayne: Isn’t that just, uh... causality?
Megamind: Casa-looty is the leading cause of death in this country.
Wayne: So what are my odds?
Megamind: Do you have a family hiz-story?
Wayne: Of what?
Megamind: Just, in general.
Wayne: …Probably?
Megamind: Oh no.
Chapter 31: Banter
Metro Man: While you were caught up in your heterosexuality, I studied the way of the laser eyes!
Megamind: Yet you still keep missing. [dodges]
Chapter 32: Acquired Tastes
Wayne: Oh man, you have any shaving cream?
Megamind: No, I don't like the way that it tastes.
Wayne: Wait... you eat shaving cream?
Megamind: Why would I eat it if I don't like the taste?
Chapter 33: Abduction
Wayne: I’m serious! They’re watching me! They’ve even got an agent following me! Don’t you believe me?
Megamind: Look, it’s not that I don’t believe you… It’s that I don’t believe you and I don’t care.
Wayne: Come on, dude, I'm an alien too — what if they lock me up in a secret lab or something?
Megamind: You didn't care when that happened to me.
Wayne: When the fuck did that happen to you?
Megamind: Seriously?! I missed an entire sam-ahster of shool!
Wayne: Semester of school. I thought you were sick! How in the world was I supposed to know you were in a government blacksite?
Megamind: Oh, how about BECAUSE WE'RE FUCKING ALIENS?!
Megamind: Always assume government blacksite, you moron!
Wayne: ...
Wayne: Listen, are you helping me or not?
Megamind: Fine, but only because Minyon's making me take a break from evil plots this week.
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Comments carried over from AO3 (7)
These were left on the original AO3 posting and are shown as they appeared there.
I can just see these incorrect quotes animated - the are so true to character. There used to be a show called Short Attention Span Theatre on Comedy Channel and this would feed my soul.
Thank you! True to character is the highest compliment I could receive! 😁
that's basically what happened
lmao
wayne would be so bored with a different villain fr
ah yes, that awkward moment when you realize that your nemesis is more traumatized than you realized
"//After several explosions and a mishap with a sonic buzzsaw
Metro Man: How the Hell are you still alive?
Megamind, wielding a sword somehow made of grenades: Honestly, I’m just as confused as you are."
"Wayne: Megamind is not a morning person. Or a night person. There’s really only about seven minutes a day you are remotely fun to be around.
Megamind, grinning: The best part is that you never know when they’re coming." This is so me😄
These were really funny, and true to their nemesis-ship🤣🤣🤣
Glad you enjoyed 😁
Okay. I love this the most. If I ever happen to write a ff to Megamind. May I use this?
Yes, of course you may! I'm glad you liked this 😊
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