184 sparksChapter 1: Seduction
Zach, joking: Are you trying to seduce me, Wild Rat?
Chris, flirty: Why, are you seducible?
Zach, blushing: I, uh... what!?
Chapter 2: Partners
Zach: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows!
Chris: ...
Chris: If you aren't ready to tell the others that we're dating yet, you could just say so.
Chapter 3: Serious
Zach: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Chris a little bit–
Donita, holding Zach's notepad: Darling, you literally doodled your wedding invitation.
Zach: No, that's our joint company logo.
Donita: Oh my God, you actually are in love.
Chapter 4: Care
Chris: Are you drinking enough water?
Zach: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth.
Chris: Zach, that isn't funny.
Zach: ...and the Zachbots force me to drink three liters a day or they won't let me have coffee.
Chris: ...
Zach So, you know; yes.
Chapter 5: Zoo
Chris: I love you.
Zach, building something and not paying attention: Huh?
Chris: I said I’m leaving you in a zOo–
—alt—
Zach: I love you.
Chris, watching ducklings and not paying attention: Huh?
Zach: I said I'm selling your friends to a zOo–
Chapter 6: Affection
Zach: Whoever has my voodoo doll — please kiss its forehead, I need it.
Chris: ...Do you want a hug?
Zach, first thought: ew physical contact no gross
Zach, second thought: oh wait Green
Zach, out loud: Yes, please.
Chapter 7: Sapiophile
I have a headcanon that Chris is a natural engineering prodigy and just doesn't know it because he's never tried. It's one of my favorite headcanons. 😁
//Chris is trying out engineering.
Chris, nervously: So, uh, what do you think?
Zach, in awe: My expectations were admittedly very low but holy fuck.
Chris: Is that a good thing?
Zach: Give me a second, I'm calculating...
Zach: You just got 36% more attractive, so yes.
Chapter 8: Enemy
//About to reveal to the Crew that they're dating.
Zach: I can't do this, your friends are going to hate me!
Chris: No they won't, that's ridiculous.
Zach, nodding: You're right.
Zach: BECAUSE THEY ALREADY HATE ME I'M LITERALLY THEIR MORTAL ENEMY OH GOD–
Chris: Calm down! They'll love you, you just need to... be yourself. Say something nice.
Zach, confused: Which one, Green Guy? I can't do both.
Chapter 9: Insomnia
Zach, yawning: Legend says that when you can’t sleep, it means you’re awake in someone else’s dreams.
Zach: When I find out who's doing this to me, I’m going to have a Zachbot punch them in the face.
Chris: [suddenly looks unreasonably guilty]
Chapter 10: Baby Steps
Chris: [kisses Zach]
Zach: ...what was that?
Chris: Uh, affection?
Zach: Disgusting.
Chris: ...
Zach: Do it again.
Chapter 11: I've Read Too Many Megamind/Roxanne Fics
//Chris has been captured and is waiting for the inevitable rescue.
Chris, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?
Zach, confused: I mean, this is my jet, so yeah.
Chapter 12: IDK 😶
Zachbot buzzsaws count as ethical, right..?
Zach: How would you like your coffee?
Chris: As dark and bitter as my soul.
Zach, deadpan, to Zachbot: I need one peppermint-green tea blend with oatmilk and a bamboo straw.
Chris: Wait, is the–
Zach: Of course the bamboo's ethically harvested, do you take me for a rookie?
Chapter 13: Ingenuity
Chris: So when are we gonna tell them?
Zach: Just give them a minute, Green Guy; they'll get it!
Zachbot: [keeps pulling on a door that clearly says push]
Zach: ...eventually.
Zachbot: [blasts door with laser, making it explode]
Chris, shielding his face from debris: Since when can they do that?!
Zach, to Zachbot: Yes! Good boy! [pumps both fists in the air]
Zach, to Chris: In your face! HA!
Chapter 14: Chris Is A Good Bot Daddy
//The Zachbots try to save a kitten, despite it interrupting the plan.
Zach, yelling: Zachbots, no!
Zachbots: [pause hesitantly]
Chris, whispering: Zachbots, yes.
Zachbots: [resume saving the kitten]
Zach, dumbfounded: ...
Chris, chanting and stomping in a circle: I'm their favorite! I'm their favorite! I'm their favorite!
Chapter 15: Priorities
Zach: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.
Chris: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated, and got a reasonable amount of sleep.
Zach: I said within reason, Greenie. How about I have the Zachbots attack that guy for you?
Chris: So assault is within reason but proper self care isn't?
Zach: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?
Chapter 16: Misunderstandings
Zach, googling: How do I make a date really romantic?
Google: Be mysterious.
Chris: So, where are we going?
Zach, nervously: N-none of your fucking business! Ask again and I'm having the Zachbots blindfold you until we're there.
Chris: ...It's bad that I find this endearing, isn't it?
Chapter 17
Zach: So, you like cats?
Chris: Yeah, of course.
Zach: [tries to impress him by slowly pushing a glass off the table]
Zachbots: [remove glass before it can fall]
Zach: Agh! No, you idiots, you're supposed to let it shatter!
Zachbots: [confused robot noises]
Chris: [confused Kratt noises]
Chapter 18: Something Old (Habits)
Chris: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake from Jimmy.
Zach: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.
Chris: ...
Chris: You mean ring bearer, right?
Zach: ...
Chris: Zach, look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.
Zach: ...You're bringing, like, a dozen!
Chris: Mine are tamed!
Zach: Well, mine is mind-controlled!
Chris: THAT'S WORSE!
Chapter 19: Touch Starvation
Zach: I don't need to go to bed. I have coffee, I'll be fine.
Chris: But, Zach, I'm lonely and cold and haven't been cuddled with in hours!
Zach: Are, are you using my issues against me?!
Chris, shrugging: Desperate times, desperate measures. Is it working?
Zach: ...
Zach, climbing into bed: You are an ass, Green Guy.
Chris, smirking in victory: Actually, I don't have a donkey Disc yet...
Chapter 20: Type
Chris: So, what’s your type?
Zach: Brown eyes, goody-two-shoes, a bit oblivious, good sense of humor, turtle lover...
Chris: Hey, sounds kind of like me. Too bad we’re just friends.
Zach: Did I mention oblivious?
Chris: Yeah, why?
Zach: Okay, just making sure.
—alt—
Zach: So, what’s your type?
Chris: Green eyes, intelligent, a bit oblivious, snarky, organized, pigeon lover ...
Zach: Huh, sounds kind of like me. Too bad we’re just friends.
Chris: Did I mention oblivious?
Zach: Yeah, why?
Chris: Okay, just making sure.
Chapter 21: (Not) Sorry
Chris: You have to apologize to them, Zach.
Zach: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person, and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!
Chapter 22: Tiny Bit Of Inappropriate Humor
Chris: Hey, what’s up?
Zach: The sky.
Chris: No, I meant like, what are you doing?
Zach: Oh. You, then.
Chris, going beet red: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THINGS LIKE THAT, ZACH!
Chapter 23: Surprise
Chris: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Zach: Careful, Greenie, that sounds like a marriage proposal.
Chris, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.
Zach, blushing: O-oh...
Chapter 24: Kiss Kiss
Zach: And what do I get out of helping the rest of the Rats?
Chris: I will give you a kiss.
Zach: What do you think I am, Green Guy? Easy? I would never betray my villainous compatriots for a measly kiss!
Chris: How 'bout two kisses?
Zach: You've got yourself a deal.
Chapter 25: Roleswap
And that's the end for Part Two (of Six!)
Part Three should be up tomorrow. Hope you enjoyed :)
Chris: [spins around in chair ominously] I’ve been expecting y– [chair continues to spin] shit [tries to stop spinning] shit [tries to grab a table to stop spinning] sHIT [falls out of chair]
Zach, smirking: Told you it isn't as easy as it looks.
Chris: ...Shut up.
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