Kitsune

Chapter 1: Salty

Jimmy Z: Ooh, what are you eating?

Koki: You wouldn't like it, it's really salty.

Jimmy Z: Well, I like you, don't I?

Chapter 2: The Ultimate Solution

Jimmy Z: Don’t be sad!

Koki: Give me one good reason why not.

Jimmy Z: Uh...

Jimmy Z: I have icecream? 

Chapter 3: Christmas Jokes In October? Surely Not!

Jimmy Z: Snow got me feeling some type of way.

Koki: That's hypothermia.

Jimmy Z: Damn, the paramedics told me it was the magic of Jimmy Ztmas.

Chapter 4: Oops

Jimmy Z: What’s up? I’m back.

Koki: What the–? I literally saw you die! [hugs him] You died. You were dead... [tears up]

Jimmy Z, hugging back: It's okay, Koki, death is a human concept.

Koki: What?

Jimmy Z: Social construct, death is a social construct!

Chapter 5: My Favorite

Koki: Damn, the power went out.

Jimmy Z: Don't worry, I got this! [shakes rapidly and lights up]

Koki: What the–? How are you doing that?!

Jimmy Z: Uh...

Jimmy Z, thinking quickly: I swallowed a glowstick?

Koki: ...

Koki: THAT WOULDN'T MAKE YOU GLOW.

Chapter 6: Hey, Has Anyone Ever Done A Soulmate AU For This Pairing?

Jimmy Z: You call yourself my soulmate, but where were you when my meme only had four likes?

Koki: Making four accounts.

Jimmy Z, tearing up: Really...?

Chapter 7: Crushes

Jimmy Z: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid.

Koki: Don't take this the wrong way, but you always act stupid.

Jimmy Z: ...

Koki: ...

Koki: Wait...

**Jimmy Z**: ...please don't think too hard about that.

Chapter 8: BAMF Koki

Guy On Phone: Is this Jimmy Z?

Jimmy Z: Yep!

Guy: We have your girlfriend, Koki.

Jimmy Z: I'm so sorry.

Guy: What?

Jimmy Z: You don't have her, she has you.

Jimmy Z: Good luck, dude.

Chapter 9: Find The Person That Fits Your Flirting

Koki: So what are your political beliefs?

Jimmy Z, trying to impress her: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.

Koki: ...

Jimmy Z: ...

Koki: Finally, someone agrees with me!

Chapter 10: Chef Jimmy

Koki: Is it just me or is instant ramen even better uncooked?

Jimmy Z: It’s just you.

Chapter 11: Still Works

Jimmy Z: Being straight isn't a choice.

Jimmy Z, gesturing to Koki: It's a game and I'm winning.

Koki: That's not...

Koki: You know what? We are winning.

Chapter 12: I Am Way Too Caught Up In This Headcanon

Jimmy Z: Koki, do you love me?

Koki: Yeah, of course I do.

Jimmy Z: Would you still love me if I had a big secret?

Koki: Well, of course I… would…

Jimmy Z: I mean a really, really big—

Koki: Jimmy, what did you do?

Jimmy Z: ...would you still love me if I wasn't, exactly, human?

Koki: What?

Chapter 13: Hot Girl Shit

Koki: [on the phone with Jimmy Z] I can’t talk right now, I’m doing hot girl shit.

Jimmy Z, fondly: You’re pulling Oreos apart and shaving off the frosting to make a mega Oreo, aren’t you?

Koki, smiling: Maaaaybe...

Chapter 14: Heart's In The Right Place

Koki: My hands are cold.

Jimmy Z: Here, let me hold them.

Koki: My lips are cold too.

Jimmy Z: [covers Koki's mouth with his hand]

Chapter 15: This Has More Sexual Humor Than The Others

Koki: [banging a pen on the table out of frustration]

Jimmy Z: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?

Koki: I–

Koki: I don’t know the correct answer to that question.

Jimmy Z, honestly oblivious: What?

Chapter 16: If Koki's Favorite Animal Is The Fox, What's Jimmy's?

Jimmy Z: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Koki is? Because Koki is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass.

Chapter 17: I Don't Why Most Of These Sorts Of Jokes Ended Up With These Two

Jimmy Z: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreshing.

Koki: Are you a software update? Because not right now.

Chapter 18: Misunderstandings

Jimmy Z: Do you love me?

Koki: We’re literally married.

Jimmy Z: Yeah, but as friends or–

Chapter 19: IDK... Sleepy

Jimmy Z: I wouldn’t put it in those words exactly.

Koki: Why not?

Jimmy Z: Because I don't know what they mean.

Chapter 20: Jimmy's A Chef (No One Can Change My Mind)

Jimmy Z: I made lightly fried fish fillets for dinner.

Koki: Jimmy? It’s 1:15 am, what the fuck.

Jimmy Z: Do you want the lightly fried plant-based fish fillets or not?

Koki: Well, I mean, yeah.

Jimmy Z: So come downstairs while they’re still hot.

Koki: Wait, you just made them?

Jimmy Z: Yep! I wasn’t tired so I decided to make lightly fried plant-based fish fillets.

Koki: Say lightly fried plant-based fish fillets one more time, Jimmy.

Chapter 21: Disagreements

Jimmy Z: Have you eaten today?

Koki: ...I had coffee.

Jimmy Z: Have you drank any water?

Koki: I had coffee.

Jimmy Z: When was the last time you slept?

Koki: I had coffee.

Chapter 22: 50/50

Koki: Relationships should be 50/50.

Koki: Jimmy cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter and entertain him with information about little-known online lifehacks.

Chapter 23: Thin Ice

Jimmy Z: When I met you I thought you were kinda a bitch.

Koki: What changed your mind?

Jimmy Z: Oh, I still think you’re a bitch, I’ve just grown to love that about you.

Chapter 24: Ocean

Jimmy Z: You remind me of the ocean.

Koki: Because I'm deep and mysterious?

Jimmy Z: Plus you're full of salt and you scare people.

Chapter 25: Puns

Jimmy Z: Hey, wanna hear a funny joke?

Koki, trying to sound cool: I only like dark humor.

Jimmy Z, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle?

Koki: ...

Jimmy Z: An IMPASTA!

Koki: [giggle-snorts]

Chapter 26: CANON

Koki: Don’t you have any dignity, Jimmy?

Jimmy Z, clutching his broken controller: Dignity has NO PLACE in the face of TRAGEDY!

Chapter 27: Loki

Jimmy Z: Okay, before you can meet my parents, I need you to just answer a few tiny questions.

Koki: What? Why?

Jimmy Z: It's nothing, they're just a little particular about a few... things.

Koki: Okay, shoot.

Jimmy: First question: please confirm that to your knowledge you are not a fully robotic being, were born an organic creature, and do in fact possess what many cultures would call a soul.

Koki: What? 'To my knowledge'? Do a lot of people not know if they’re robots?

Jimmy Z: You'd be surprised.

Chapter 28: Orange Juice

//Jimmy Z is cleaning the Tortuga and finds an empty bottle of orange juice

Jimmy Z: Clear orange juice? [tries to drink it]

Jimmy Z: Oh, it's empty.

Koki, who has been watching the entire time: I'm in love with an idiot. I'm in love with an idiot. I'm in love with an idiot.

Chapter 29: Early On

Koki: And if you have any suggestions, please put them in the suggestion box.

Jimmy Z: ...that’s a trash can.

Chapter 30: Gamer X-Treme

Koki: Jimmy, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight?

Jimmy Z: Bring video game characters to life.

Koki: And what did you do?

Jimmy Z: Brought video game characters to life.

Chapter 31: No, Sweeties, No

Jimmy Z: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.

Koki: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.

Jimmy Z: That's...

Jimmy Z: Brilliant!

Chapter 32: Rawr

Koki: What the Hell were you thinking?

Jimmy Z: I heard releasing birds at a wedding is romantic!

Koki: Not OSTRICHES!

Chapter 33: Don't Worry, They're Talking About A Video Game(r)

Jimmy Z: Hit him.

Koki: This is the kind of quality advice I look for.

Chapter 34: I'm Pretty Sure They're Wrong, But Whatever Works

Jimmy Z: Please say words of encouragement to me so I don’t hurt someone right now.

Koki: There are no videogames in prison.

Jimmy Z: [sighs] Thank you.

—alt—

Koki: Please say words of encouragement to me so I don’t hurt someone right now.

Jimmy Z: There is no Internet in prison.

Koki: [sighs] Thank you.

Chapter 35: My Chapter Count (36) Was Off By One, Lol

Jimmy Z, to Koki: You're online too often, swear too much, and would fight God in a parking lot over half a KitKat.

Koki: …

Jimmy Z: You are everything I’ve ever wanted.