Incorrect Omnitrix

Chapter 1: Names

* Diamond Head (Captain) — Di, Mondy (he hates this one)

* Fourarms (Muscle/security, second-in-command) — Four, Spyder?

* Heatblast (???) — Wick? (as in candle wick)

* Stinkfly (???) — Stink, Stinky, Bug

* XLR8 (???) — Eight

* Ripjaws (???) — RJ, Rip

* Ghostfreak (???) — Freak

* Grey Matter (Engineer, researcher, chief medical officer, etc) — Grey, Boss (Upgrade only)

* Upgrade (Lab assistant, pilot, engineer, etc) — Upgrade

* Wildmutt (???) — Mutt

Chapter 2: Breathe

Stinkfly: Hey, Di?

Diamond Head: Yeah?

Stinkfly: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

Diamond Head: What?

Stinkfly: Keep in mind that they're partially amphibious.

Diamond Head: ...

Diamond Head: Where’s Grey Matter?

Chapter 3: Blasphemy Is Fun! (Down With God)

Stinkfly: Forgive me Father, for I have sinny-sin-sinned.

Grey Matter: For the last time, it's–!

XLR8, covering Grey Matter's mouth: Do you want him to go back to saying 'sorry, Daddy, I've been naughty'!?

Grey Matter, muffled: No...

Fourarms, laughing: YES

Chapter 4: Jail

XLR8: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much.

Ghostfreak: Oh, you’ve been?

XLR8: Once. In Monopoly.

Chapter 5: Stoic

Heat Blast: That was a joke. Say ha.

Diamond Head: Ha.

Heat Blast: Now do it again.

Diamond Head: Ha.

Heat Blast: Now put them together.

Diamond Head: Ha-Ha.

Heat Blast: Congratulations, you are officially the life of the party.

Chapter 6: Rivalry

Heat Blast, to Ripjaws: If you can ever manage to get over yourself, I would highly recommend being me.

Chapter 7: This Turned Out Sweeter Than I Expected

XLR8: How do tall people people sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you?

Fourarms: Wha–? Eight, it's four o'clock in the morning!

XLR8, perched on Fourarms' chest: So, you can't sleep, huh? [whispers] Is it because of the blanket?

Fourarms: ...What are even doing in my quarters?

XLR8: Grey Matter kicked me out of his.

Fourarms: And what were you doing in his quarters?

XLR8: Well, I couldn't stay in Wildmutt's, he drools!

Fourarms: What were you– nevermind. Why did you leave your quarters?

XLR8: [mutters something under his breath]

Fourarms: What?

XLR8: Bad dream. But that's not important, I'm over it n– yipe!

Fourarms, wrapping his arms around XLR8: Sleep now.

XLR8: But–

Fourarms: Shhh. Sleep.

XLR8: ...

XLR8, closing his eyes: Goodnight, Four.

Fourarms: [yawns] 'Night, Eight...

Chapter 8: Insomnia

Grey Matter, vibrating and holding a small-for-anyone-but-him cup of coffee: I cannot cease nor slow my progress, not when I am on the verge of accomplishing greatness!

Upgrade: [shuts off power to the lab]

Grey Matter: Et tu, Upgrade?!

Fourarms: [cocks raygun] Go to bed. This is no longer a request, this is now a Threat.

Grey Matter: But–

Fourarms: Don't try me, pipsqueak; I will let Eight in here with a permanent marker and no supervision.

Grey Matter, paling briefly: ...Fine, you ignorant heathen. You have bested me.

Grey Matter, snuggling into the lab drawer he uses for a bed: For [yawn] now. But I will have my [eyes drift shut] revenge... [snores]

Chapter 9: Worrisome

//making contact with a landing party that's been sent planetside

Ghostfreak, texting through a communicator: Hey, thanks for checking in, I’m ✨still a piece of garbage✨

Ghostfreak: ;)

Diamond Head, looking up from the communications console: Is Freak okay..?

Grey Matter, not even bothering to look up from his work and read the message: Not since I've known him, no.

Chapter 10: One Way Or Another

Grey Matter: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. My way, the wrong way, and the XLR8 way.

XLR8: What?

Upgrade: The wrong way but faster.

XLR8: Oh. Hey, wait a second...

Ghostfreak: To be fair, it's not always faster.

XLR8, nodding: That's righ– Hey!

Grey Matter: Hmm, you do have a point.

XLR8: ..I'm telling Di you guys are being mean to me. [runs off]

Ghost Freak: [flat] Oh no. I am so scared. Shaking in my ectoplasm, truly.

Diamond Head, from another room: Grey! Freak! Upgrade! We need to talk!

Ghostfreak: Later, losers. [phases through a wall]

Upgrade: I, uh, think I left something on in the lab. Bye, Boss. [goes digital and disappears into the ship systems]

Grey Matter: I... Possibly made a miscalculation in this situation.

Grey Matter: In Layman's terms; fuck.

Chapter 11: Kinda A Bad One

Grey Matter, holding a small raygun: [scowls] Someone will die...

Upgrade, bonded with four giant rayguns: Of fun!

--alt--

Ghostfreak, gleefully: Someone will die...

Stinkfly: Of fun!

Ghostfreak: Oh, it'll definitely be fun.

Chapter 12: Token Evil Teammate

Heatblast: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?!

Ghostfreak, deadpan: Probably because I’m a unstable sociopath with a long history of violence and sabotage.

Heatblast: Oh, right...

Grey Matter, from across the room: I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.

Chapter 13: Fond

Grey Matter: You know, when I first met you I thought you all were complete idiots.

Stinkfly: What changed your mind?

Grey Matter: Nothing, I've just grown surprisingly fond of that side of you.

Chapter 14: TW: Heavy Cursing

Fourarms: You say 'Please' and 'Thank you' in front of Stinkfly all the time, and he never repeats it.

Fourarms: But you call Di 'Ass-Faced Motherfucker' ONE TIME–

Chapter 15: True To Life

Fourarms: You're a lying piece of shit!

Ghost Freak: Oh yeah? Well, you're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Grey Matter: I'm leaving the ship, and I'm taking Upgrade with me! Good luck making repairs on your own, you motherf–

Ripjaws, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

Wildmutt: [whines and starts chewing on the gameboard]

Chapter 16: Good Boy..?

Wildmutt: [is woken up by ringing commutation console]

Wildmutt: [waits a minute for Grey Matter or Upgrade to come in to the room and answer it]

Grey Matter & Upgrade: [neither come in nor answer it]

Wildmutt: [barks and bites communication console until it stops making noise]

Wildmutt: [makes happy rumbles and goes back to sleep]

Landing Party: [is screwed]

Chapter 17: Zs'Skayr Was The Guy Ghostfreak's DNA Was Pulled From, Remember?

Upgrade: When Grey Matter was generated, the Gods said 'he is too perfect for this world.'

Stinkfly: Please. When he was born, the Devil said 'Oh, competition.'

Grey Matter: There is no such thing as God nor the Devil, so this argument has no logical basis–

Ghostfreak: Oh, the Devil was very real.

Heatblast: I'm sorry, 'was'?

Ghostfreak: Zs'Skayr gave him a chance for peaceful surrender, but he just wouldn't give up the throne. I– Zs'Skayr had no choice, really. [stretches and calmly phases through wall before anyone can say anything]

XLR8: He's joking, right?

Everyone: ...

XLR8, running into the corridor: Freak, wait up! You're joking, right?!

Chapter 18: Possibly A Continuation

XLR8, knocking on the door: Freak, open up!

Ghostfreak: It all started when my DNA donor highjacked my brain...

Grey Matter: That’s not what he–

XLR8: Let him finish!

Chapter 19: Henway

Heatblast: Every time I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.

Fourarms: Okay, but what is updog?

Stinkfly: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.

Upgrade: No, that's a hot dog. An updog is when an existing application or device is improved upon in some way 

Ripjaws: No, that's you. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.

XLR8: Surely that’s Uppsala, where as updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

Fourarms: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.

Grey Matter: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

Ghostfreak: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

Diamond Head: What’s a henway??

Fourarms: Oh, about five pounds.

Chapter 20: Crew

Diamond Head: We’re all in this together. If one of us falls, we all fall. Nobody is expendable on this crew.

Grey Matter: That isn't even close to true. In fact, I have a numbered list of most expendable crewmate to most necessary one.

Diamond Head: Grey, that isn't–

Grey Matter: Number five will shock you.

Chapter 21: Possessed

Heatblast, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I kicked Stinkfly, and I liked it–

Fourarms, whispering: Think we should call the space-exorcist?

Diamond Head: We have no proof that Freak's behind this.

Wild Mutt, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick!

Diamond Head: ...

Diamond Head, sighing: Call the exorcist.

Chapter 22: I'm Getting Bored

Grey Matter, about to join the landing party off-ship: Don’t spend all day playing videogames, okay? There's still a lot of lab work to get done.

Upgrade: You got it, of course! Bye, Boss!

Upgrade, 0.3 seconds after Grey Matter's gone: I FORGE MY OWN PATH!! [spends all day playing videogames and doing lab work]

Upgrade, proudly: I'm so independent.

Chapter 23: Ride-Or-Die

Upgrade: Wow! Stinkfly made you cry?

Grey Matter, tearing up: Yes, and he said some really mean things that are only partly accurate.

Upgrade, patting his head: Don't worry, it'll be okay.

Stinkfly, hitting into an automatic door for the tenth time that day: Is it just me, or does the ship hate me all of a sudden?

Upgrade, deep in the ship's system: [hisses] VENGEANCE

Chapter 24: F***

Fourarms: Swear words are illegal now. If you say one, you'll be in trouble.

Stinkfly, cheerfully: Heck <3

Fourarms: You're on thin fucking ice, Bug.

Fourarms: Oh no

Chapter 25: Zs'Skayr/Ghostfreak Died At Least A Few Times, I'm 90% Sure

Fourarms: Oh no, I’m doomed!

Ripjaws: Seriously? All you have to do is not insult Ghostfreak on his death day.

Fourarms: Exactly, it’s impossible!

Chapter 26: Need For Speed

Grey Matter, teaching XLR8 to pilot the ship: Okay, what does it mean when the debris detector is green?

XLR8: Go!

Grey Matter: Good. And when it's red?

XLR8: Stop!

Grey Matter: Very good! What about yellow?

XLR8: If you floor it, you can make it!

Grey Matter: ...

Grey Matter: New rule, only Upgrade drives.

Chapter 27: Greedy Fleabags

Grey Matter: It’s just… no matter what I do, relating to others enough to befriend them is complex in a way entirely different than what I'm accustomed to.

Heatblast: Yeah, I literally can’t relate to that problem at all, but you know who no one likes? Hey Ghostfreak~!

Ghostfreak: Fuck you, you overgrown candle.

Heatblast: See?? Entirely unlikable. That's your standard; be better than Ghostfreak.

Grey Matter: That seems like too low of a standard to be accurate.

Ghostfreak: Fuck all of you...

Ghostfreak: ...except Ripjaws.

Heatblast: Why not RJ?

Ghostfreak: He shares his snacks with me. Unlike some greedy fleabags. [glares at Wildmutt]

Wildmutt: [growls and pulls his food closer]

Chapter 28: Fanart!