Unfinished Smurfs

Chapter 15: What I (Don't) Want To Be, Is Just Like You

"I hate potions!" Brainy blurted, waiting for the disappointment in his father's eyes. It didn't come, confusion showing where it should be. Of course Papa didn't understand, that was an oversimplification, he needed to actually explain.

No matter how much he'd really rather not. It wouldn't be the first time he did something he didn't want to because he had to, but if this somehow went well... maybe it would be the last. He started pacing, gesturing wildly.

"I mean, I love studying them and hearing you smurf about them," Brainy continued, vaguely noticing that Papa was staying quiet, letting him ramble on. "But actually brewing them is boring, and hard, and they smell funny, and-and the knives are all really sharp. I know you're going to be disappointed, but I don't like potions, and I don't want to brew them anymore. So, can I... stop smurfing them? Please?"

He stopped and reluctantly looked back at Papa, just to see the frown he was dreading. Before he could take it all back, somehow, he found himself pulled into a hug.

"Oh, my little Smurf." Papa sighed. "Of course you don't have to smurf potions if you don't want to. I'm not disappointed in you in the slightest. If anything, I'm disappointed in myself for smurfing you feel like you had to help me–"

"I don't want to stop helping you!" Brainy said, panicked, pulling just a bit out of the hug. He'd never wanted that. "I still want to study new potions for you, and collect ingredients, and even help you brew sometimes. Smurfing potions with you is different, Papa, it's nice smurfing out with you. I love you."

"And I love you, son." Papa smiled at him gently. "You can keep helping me, but only if you really want to. And you will smurf me if you don't, or if you smurf your mind."

"Yes, Papa." Brainy smiled back. This had gone so much better than he thought it would! But it wasn't quite over yet. He swallowed, wondering if he should really risk ruining this, then pushed on anyways. "Papa?"

"Yes, Brainy?"

"I know everysmurf thinks I'm going to be the next Redcap, and I'm not sure if it's true or not, but if it is," he licked his lips, pushing down his fear and nervousness, ignoring the lingering doubtful voice in the back of his mind telling him that he's wrong and of course he wants to and, "I don't want to be."

Papa blinked, surprise on his face. "Well, you don't have to be, but I thought you wanted to?"

"I wasn't lying when I smurfed I did," Brainy assured him, not wanting Papa to think he'd been deceiving him all these years. The only Smurf he'd been deceiving was himself. "I thought I wanted it, but I don't really smurf I do, anymore. Smurfing in charge stresses me out, and honestly I'm the last Smurf who should be trusted with others' emotional well-being, and I don't really undersmurf politics anyways, and... I'm sorry, Papa."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Papa insisted, hugging him tighter. It was funny how the same smells that were so bad in potions were so comforting when they stuck to Papa. "What is it that you want to smurf now, then?"

"I..." Brainy hesitated, every instinct screaming at him to make something up, because not knowing something made him weak. Made him a failure. Made him a disappointment. Made him a million things he'd feared his entire life. He laughed, pushing all of it– pushing through all of it. "I have absolutely no idea. But I've always loved learning, and it'll be fun finding out."