44 sparksChapter 1: So It Begins
Edward: Look at the buns on this guy!
Jervis: -lying on the floor, covered in burger buns-
Stephanie: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny!
Edward: You'll never bring me back to jail!
Harvey, who spent the night: What..?
Jonathan, calmly reading a newspaper: You'll get used to it. -sips his second cup of coffee-
Chapter 2: France Is Romantic
Edward, trying to flirt and saying the first nonsense that comes to mind: They can't make me admit France exists, right? In your legal opinion.
Harvey, deeply confused: Umm... I guess they couldn't?
Edward, not entirely sure what he's saying at this point: I mean, if France was REAL I'd say I like it, since it's supposed to be romantic. But who's to say?
Harvey, realizing what's happening: -gay panic- I think France isn't real!
Harv, in their head: We've been to France, you idiot.
Harvey, in their head: Shut up, he's cute.
Chapter 3: Poor Spooky, Being Stalked (At Least It Isn't Bolton)
Store Worker, over the intercom: Would a 'Professor Crane' please come to the front desk?
Jonathan, arriving at the desk, wondering how his cover got blown and trying to act nonchalant: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker, pointing to Harley and Jervis: I believe these belong to you?
Jonathan, completely forgetting about his cover: What the Hell..?
Harley: We got lost.
Jonathan: I didn't even bring you guys here with me--!
Jervis: We got really lost?
Jonathan, under his breath, rubbing the bridge of his nose: Every fuckin' time...
Chapter 4: Stephanie Is A Troll (So Is Harv)
Harvey, trying to babysit: You either buckle down and do your homework, or you'll end up at Burger King.
Stephanie, playing dumb for her own amusement: We're going to Burger King if I don't do my homework?!
Harvey: What? No!
Stephanie: -throws her homework into the air, scattering it- Yippee!
Harvey, panicked: Harv, do something!
Harv: Don't worry, I got this.
Harv: Steph, we'll get ice cream too if you hide your Dad's blueprints in the freezer!
Stephanie, taking three seconds to decide whether she wants to go along with this: ...Alright. -runs to Edward's office-
Harvey: What? No, why?! How is that helping?!
Harv: Why in the world would I help stop this? Have you met me?
Chapter 5: The Meaning Of Love (42?) That's Life, Silly
Stephanie: What is love? Like, what is it, really?
Jervis, sighing ruefully over his copy of Alice: An emotional minefield.
Jonathan: A neurochemical reaction.
Mr Mscmystr: Baby don't hurt me...
Fries: The reason we all exist. The reason everything exists. Without love, there is no purpose or meaning to anything.
Joker: Batman!
Everyone: -stares at Joker-
Joker: -sips hot cocoa- Ya heard me.
Stephanie: ...I should just go ask Dad. He'll know about love.
Jonathan: -laughs his ass off-
Chapter 6: Musical Riddles
The return of my Imp version of Music Meister!
Mr Mscmystr: I know every song from every universe, past, present, and future.
Edward: Oh yeah? Then finish this:
Edward: I don't cook, I don't clean-
Mr Mscmystr: So let me tell you how I got this ring.
Edward: ...
Edward and Mr Mscmystr: -Keep loudly singing at each other-
Jervis, watching: Are they fighting or..?
Jonathan: They're givin' me a headache, is what they're doin'.
Chapter 7: The King Of Semi-Aquatic Water Fowl
More of me trying to make drunk jokes while avoiding having my characters drink alcohol. Yay!
Jonathan, recovering from accidentally ingesting a rotten experiment the night before: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed to be king of ducks.
Edward, reading a newspaper: I would, Your Majesty, but you know I don't like lying.
Jervis, laughing: Long live The King Of All Ducks!
Chapter 8: Loveboat (This Means War)
//Edward 'dies' in a game involving ships
Harvey: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance. A gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us.
Harvey: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury!
Harv: Legend has it that Ed still haunts this ship, stealing my fucking snacks.
Edward, winking: Of course I do. -eats potato chip while lounging in Twoface's lap-
Chapter 9: BE BI, DO CRIME
//Edward and Stephanie are heading to the park, only to find it closed with a locked gate
Stephanie: Aw :(
Edward, smirking: You know what they say...
Stephanie: Wait, please don't-
Edward: BE BI DO CRIME! -hops gate and picks the lock-
Stephanie, whispering frantically as she hurries through the now-open gate: Can we please keep the crime to when you're in costume?!
Edward: -takes coat off to reveal green spandex, snaps on a pair of reflective sunglasses- Sweetie, I'm always in costume.
Chapter 10: Oh Mi Oh My Oh Mouse/Mickey's Come Calling
Stephanie: A mouse!
Selina, pulling out a knife: -casually- Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you.
Ivy, summoning her flytraps: It'll make a nice meal.
Harley, giving the mouse cheese: Ya deserve a treat, liddle guy.
Jervis, pointing at the mouse: -gasp- It's Ratatouille!
Harv: His name is Remi, dummy.
Jonathan: Why do you know that?
Harv: Harvey likes cartoons and the Coin only stops him so many times.
Kitrina: Can we keep it? I can train it to pick locks.
Stephanie: ...I was going to tell you to trap it and put it outside. What is wrong with you people?!
Chapter 11: Come Join Me (SFW, I Promise)
Edward: I'm going to go take a shower. I'll be done in, like, twenty minutes.
*Harv: Why are you telling us? We don't care.
Edward, shrugging: Alright. -leaves to take shower-
Harvey, after thirty seconds: I miss him.
Harv: Wuss.
Harv: ...We could always go join him.
Harvey: We can't just-
Harv: -gets Coin out-
---two minutes later---
Edward: Um, what are you..?
Harvey, getting into the shower: Blame Lady Luck.
Edward: ...How am I not the weird one in this relationship?
Edward, after his brain finally catches up to the fact that Twoface is in the shower with him: Not that I'm complaining~
Chapter 12: You Chose This
Harvey: Last night, we found out that Edward is a sleep talker.
Jervis: Oh, really?
Harv: 'The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell'. Right in our ear. At three. In the FUCKING MORNING!
Jonathan: Oh, he wasn't asleep. He thought you were.
Harvey: What?
Jervis: The Dormouse likes to educate his loved ones as they sleep.
Harvey: What?
Jervis: Don't look at us like that, Tweedle. You chose him.
Jonathan: Yeah, he's your problem now.
Chapter 13: The Moment Jervis Is ALWAYS Waiting For
Harvey: How do you connect with a fictional character? They aren't real.
Edward: Why would you ask me?
Harley: How can ya not jus' know?
Jonathan: Get mercilessly teased and repeatedly called the name of the character until you decide to read the book and realize you like it and the character, so fuck the bullies.
Joker, not paying attention: Huh?
Clayface: Become an actor. You'll never have a sense of personal identity again.
Jervis, pulling out a 500 slide presentation and a copy of 'Alice In Wonderland': I'm glad you asked...
Chapter 14: Purr
Kor is Riddler's cat (bet you can't figure out why that's her name)
Stupid, idiot, and dumb are all trauma-triggers for Eddie
Edward: I thought I was meowing back at Kor for the past half hour, but it turns out it was just Steph and I meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.
Selina, laughing: Dumbass.
Edward: -visibly gets upset-
Selina: Shit, wait, I meant that playfully! You're brilliant, not dumb at all.
Edward, tearing up: You mean that?
Selina: Yes, I promise.
Selina, in her head: Most brilliant dumbass I ever met.
Chapter 15: Jonathan Crane Is An Ass
Jervis: Can we go to a Haunted House tomorrow?
Jonathan: What's wrong with the one we live in?
Jervis: W-what?
Jonathan: Goodnight, Dear. -turns off light-
Chapter 16: The One Time Riddler Admits To Being A Dumbass
Harv can assume total control when Harvey's asleep, so long as he doesn't move too much. Harvey is only semi-aware of this.
Edward: According to the internet and romance novels, biting one's lip is sexy. So why doesn't Harvey think it's sexy when I do it?
Harv, while Harvey is asleep: What do you look like when you bite your lip?
Edward: -bites lip-
Harv: ...Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead, dumbass?
Edward: Hey, I'm not--! Wait... Okay, in this case I might actually be a dumbass.
Chapter 17: Edward Is Messed Up, But Not As Much As Jonathan Crane
Edward: How do you sleep at night knowing there's people who don't like you?
Jonathan: Actually, the knowledge that people curse my name and shudder in terror at the thought of me really helps push back my chronic insomnia and nightmares.
Edward: ...
Jonathan: -shrugs- Or, you know, a normal answer.
Chapter 18: Sometimes, Edward Takes Harv's Side
Edward: Hey lover~
Harv: Fuck off.
Edward: ...
Harvey: Oh my God, I'm sorry! He's had a really stressful day.
Edward: What happened?
Harvey: The Coin decided to go with my choice of outfit.
Edward: And..?
Harv: Look at our pants.
Edward: -looks down and sees black bellbottoms with brown sneakers- Oh my God! Harvey, how could you do such a horrible thing?!
Harv, to Harvey: See? It's not just me!
Chapter 19: What You Get When I Try To Make An Explanation For Something Funny And Somehow End Up With Something Dark
Edward: Why are you burning your adoption papers!?
Stephanie, who was accidentally exposed to Fear Toxin: Good luck trying to return me without the receipt!
Chapter 20: Jervis Is There For His March Hare
Why does this remind me of Bloom County?
Edward: Define 'dream'.
Jonathan: Dream -- the first thing people abandon when they learn how the world works.
Edward: ...
Edward: JERVIS! JONATHAN'S BEING DEPRESSED AGAIN!
Jervis: -runs in with hot cocoa and three emergency support crows- I got this!
Chapter 21: All The Rogues Are Uncles And Aunties Now
Stephanie: I wish I was a cat, but not in a furry kinda way, more like a 'I can sleep all day and hit people with no consequences' kinda way.
Edward: ...
Edward: You aren't allowed to hang out with your Aunt Selina without supervision anymore.
Chapter 22: Tell Me This Isn't True (I Dare You)
Edward: I love saying 'fuck me' because it could either be sexual or self-loathing, and those two things describe me perfectly.
Harvey, visibly concerned: What?
Chapter 23: Maybe I Should've Used Jon For This (But This Seemed Funnier)
Edward: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while I work, so instead I have Jon periodically send me texts saying 'I'm short one subject for my Fear Toxin experiments'.
Edward: It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and utter terror I need to keep going.
Chapter 24: Holiday Cheer
Is it polyamory if two people are sharing a body and really don't have any choice but to share a boyfriend?
Jervis: What are you getting the Tweedles for the Holidays this year?
Edward: I don't know... It's hard buying gifts for your partners when they already got everything they could possibly want when they started dating you.
Jonathan, from the other room: I'm getting them a free appointment for couples counseling.
Chapter 25: Why Does This Sound Like My Sister And I..?
Edward: You know what I've realized?
Jonathan: Some thoughts are better left unsaid?
Edward: Nice try. Anyways...
Chapter 26: Why Are There No Madriddle Fanfics??
"Why is a Raven like a writing desk?" is a riddle from Wonderland, about a corvid. It needs to be the Dork Squad motto/mascot/whatever.
//Soon after they first became roommates
Edward: So, you two are dating now?
Jonathan & Jervis: Yes.
Edward: Why?
Jervis: Well, I happen to find the March Hare very appealing.
Edward: Yeah, I get that. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with Jon...
Chapter 27: Freezing Cold
Kitrina is Selina Kyle's daughter. Possibly Oswald Cobblepot 's as well, I haven't decided yet.
Stephanie: The universe is cold and unfeeling. The only constant is chaos.
Edward: What?
Kitrina: The bakery place was out of chocolate chip again.
Edward: ...
Edward, to Stephanie: You've been spending too much time with your Uncle Victor.
Chapter 28: Jonathan Crane Is A Thin Fucking Giant
Edward: Help! We're drowning!
Jonathan: Calm down. We're only in six feet of water!
Jervis: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!
Chapter 29: My Sister In A Nutshell
Jonathan, making coffee: This is going to fix everything.
Chapter 30: What Happens When Riddler Wants To Build Things But Is Out Of Supplies
Jonathan: Who the fuck broke the toaster?
Jervis: It was the Dormouse.
Stephanie: It was Dad.
Harv: -flips Coin- Ed broke it.
Edward: ...
Edward: You promised-
Harv: Harvey promised. I won the toss.
Chapter 31: Tell Me A Better Way For This To Have Gone
//Many years ago...
Edward: Yes, I'm adopting Stephanie and you monsters can't tell me no!
Jonathan & Jervis: ...
Jonathan: We only have three bedrooms.
Jervis: She can have mine, I'll sleep in yours.
Jonathan: Then which room will I sleep in?
Jervis, confused: Yours..?
Jonathan: -blushes- Oh... Yeah, I guess that works.
Edward: Wait, you guys aren't going to stop me?
Jonathan & Jervis: No.
Edward: Then I guess I'm going to be a father! -eyes go wide- I'm going to be a father...
Edward: -passes out-
Chapter 32: Harvey And Edward And Harv
Harvey: Hey, are you alright with swearing? Asking for a friend.
Edward: Yeah?
Harv: Bitch.
Chapter 33: Messing With Edward's Head Is Fun
Edward: I need something really tricky and nonsensical that's technically true to add to my new trap.
Stephanie: If you water water, it grows. Ergo, it's symbolically the same as a plant.
Edward: ...What.
Jervis: She's got a point, Dormouse.
Edward: N-no.... Wait... What??
Chapter 34: Nashton Nygma Brown Greene
Do you know how many meme wars I've gotten into with my mom? This is 100% a parent-child bonding method.
Jonathan: And here we see the Nygmas in their natural habitat; texting each other variations of the words 'garlic bread' for some incomprehensible reason.
Edward: Gaelic bread.
Stephanie: Grumbling bard.
Edward: Ha! Glamorous beans.
Chapter 35: So Crane's Possessed And Corvin Is His Cat-Sized Demon That Only He Can Understand
I kinda need this to be a sitcom and am sad it isn't...
Edward, gently nudging Corvin aside with his foot: Corvin, move out of the way so I don't trip on you.
Corvin, his eyes enormous: You kick Corvin? You kick his body like the football? Oh! Oh! Punishment for riddle-maker! Punishment for riddle-maker for one thousand years!
Edward: Uh, why is he hissing at me like that?
Jonathan: He likes it when you pet him with your foot. That's a happy sound.
Corvin: Betrayer! Punishment for Corvin's Jonathan!
Jonathan: -laughs-
Corvin, running off: Corvin will eat his Jonathan's work notes!
Jonathan, chasing him: Learn to take a joke, you big drama queen!
Harvey, standing in the doorway: ...What just happened?
Edward, Jervis, and Stephanie, simultaneously: You'll get used to it.
Chapter 36: Every Child Does Things Like This
Edward: -trying to get five seconds of sleep-
Stephanie, poking his arm: Dad Dad. Dad. Dad.
Edward: What?
Stephanie: ...We're out of Capri Suns.
Chapter 37: To Be Clear, This Is One Of My Favorite Jokes
Jervis: Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest, that just sounds cozy and nice. But if I invite you to my cabin in the woods, you're going to die.
Edward: My favorite is explaining the difference between a butt dial and a booty call. It took a while for Fries to get that one.
Harvey: It's called connotations.
Harv: Try this one on for size: "Forgive me father, for I have sinned"-
Jonathan: -glares-
Harv: -vs "Sorry, Daddy, I've been naughty."
Jonathan: -laughing fit-
Stephanie: Great news, everyone! Language is now banned!
Chapter 38: Many Types Of Tea Have Caffeine
Edward: I think you're suffering a caffeine overload.
Jervis, vibrating: I dOn'T drINk cOffEe, OnlY TeA.
Edward: How many cups have you had today?
Jervis, still vibrating: eiGHty. -sips tea-
Chapter 39: Yep, This Definitely Happened
The funniest bit about this is that Jon feels secure enough around Harley to tell her he never feels secure.
Jonathan, to Harley, about Edward and Jervis: They're trying to lure me into a false sense of security! Well, joke's on them; I've never felt secure in my life, I'm not about to start now.
Harley, more exasperated than worried at this point: Professah...
Chapter 40: Halloween
Jonathan: What is everyone going as for All Hallows Eve?
Stephanie: Supergirl.
Joker: A clown.
Edward: Please tell me you aren't going to just put on a rainbow wig and go trick or treating under the assumption no one will recognize you.
Joker: ...
Joker: Supergirl.
Chapter 41: Edward Is A Brilliant Idiot (Or Possibly A Dumb Genius)
Edward: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I'm around mine, I can't stop showing off.
Harv: You always show off.
Edward: ...
Harvey: Wait...
Chapter 42: Life, The Universe, And Everything! (Have I Made This Joke Already?)
Mildly sexual humor
Edward: Hi, sorry I'm late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted.
Harvey: I'm 'a couple of things'.
Edward, flustered: Harvey!
Harv: I'm 'got distracted'.
Jonathan: -starts to choke from laughing too hard-
Chapter 43: I Don't Condone Spraying People With Fear Toxin (I As Well Don't Condone Religious Preaching)
The return of Scarecrow's religious trauma!
Some guy preaching on the sidewalk: Sure, you're verified on Twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of God?
Jonathan, walking past with his groceries: -sneakily sprays Fear Toxin at the guy-
Jervis: Was that really necessary?
Jonathan: You didn't grow up around religion; trust me, it was necessary. -smirks as preacher starts to scream-
Chapter 44: Orange And Black Hearts
Jonathan: Love is a weakness and an evolutionary mistake.
Edward: You are literally making a Valentine's Day card for Jervis.
Jonathan, pointing his hot glue gun at Edward: You're on thin fucking ice.
Chapter 45: Mistaken Idateity
Harley, after meeting Edward for the first time: So, how long have ya an' Eddie been together, Professah?
Jonathan: -gags on his coffee- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ed and I are not together. No. No.
Edward: Really? Sixteen 'nos'? Really?
Jervis: So, how long have you and the Knave been together, Dormouse?
Edward: -gags on his tea- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Joker and I are not together. No. No.
Joker: Really? Sixteen 'nos'? Really?
Chapter 46: Superheroes Are Not Against Crime (They're Against Hurting Innocents)
Stephanie: I'm against crime, and I'm not ashamed to admit it!
Kitrina: Aren't you a hacker who's living under a fake name, regularly aiding and abetting several known fugitive mental patients?
Stephanie: ...
Stephanie: Okay, listen here you little-
Chapter 47: Pretty Much Canon
Edward, after finding out he has cancer: What am I supposed to do?
Doctor: If I were you? I'd try and make peace with whatever deity, pantheon, or Divine Other you believe in.
Edward, through clenched teeth: I'm an atheist.
Doctor: Then just get ready to die, I guess?
Edward: -tracks down Lazarus Pits, makes it past Ra's Al Ghûl's security, gets healed, develops amnesia, becomes a detective, gets his memory back, returns to Gotham, bursts in to Doctor's office-
Edward: How do you like them apples!?
Doctor: What the-?!
Edward: MY BRAIN IS BETTER THAN EVERYBODY'S!
Chapter 48: I Don't Know What To Call This
Is it weird that my mental image of Jon is usually sitting in an armchair and reading a newspaper?
Edward: So~
Jonathan: What do you want, Nygma?
Edward: Jervis spent the night in your room last night.
Jonathan: We've been dating for a while, it's not that surprising.
Edward: ...
Jonathan, growling: What do you want, Edward?
Edward: ...Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Jonathan: Are you seriously asking me that?! I am the God Of Fear! The Master Of Terror! The King Of Screams! I am The Scarecrow! I-
Jervis, from across the room: The big spoon! It's adorable. I woke up with him completely wrapped around me, it took me fifteen minutes to convince him to let go.
Edward, clapping and jumping: I knew you were a cuddler!
Jonathan: I hate both of you.
Chapter 49: Why Edward Doesn't Stay Over At Twoface's Place Anymore
Catwoman: -climbs in through window-
Edward, walking into the room: Oh, hi. Welcome to my abode, I'm glad you could join me.
Harvey: But this is my abode.
Edward: ...
Edward: Welcome to our abode. We're so happy to have you over, Cat.
Chapter 50: Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid
Stephanie, texting: My Dad has a spiked collar.
Stephanie, texting: *dog
Kitrina, texting: You don't have a dog?
Kitrina, texting more frantically: wait pls let this not be a riddl
Stephanie, texting: >;)
Chapter 51: Bagels
Stephanie: I don't need a lot for Christmas, there's just one thing I need--
Fries: Family.
Joker: A bettah love life.
Jervis: Mental stability.
Harley, clueless: Bagels?
Chapter 52: Harv Is Protective Over Harvey
Headcanon: It took a while for Harv and Harvey to learn how to be in control at the same time. As kids, they each spent a lot of time asleep while the other had control.
Teenage Harv: When was the last time you cried?
Teenaged Harvey: Uh, fifteen minutes ago, I think.
Harv: Really? That recent?
Harvey: Yeah, why? -starts tearing up- Is there something wrong with that?
Harv: Shit, I didn't- ugh, who made you cry?
Harvey: A footballer...
Harv: The one with the big nose or the one with the dumb eyebrows?
Harvey, getting sleepy: Eyebrows. Why?
Harv, assuming control: No reason. -cracks knuckles-
Chapter 53: Throwback
Stephanie: Happy Throwback Thursday! Here's a throwback to when Uncle Jervis ate an entire tube of lipstick!
Jervis, whining: Why would it be cherry flavored if you can't eat it?!
Chapter 54: Chosen Troll
//Texting
Jonathan: Who are you? Someone changed the names in my phone and I don't know how to fix it.
Stephanie: What did they change my name to?
Jonathan: Chosen One.
Stephanie: Don't change it back.
Jonathan: BUT WHO R U?!?!
Stephanie: I'm the chosen one.
Chapter 55: Technobabble
Edward, trying to impress anybody: I reinitialized the entire command structure, retaining all programmed abilities but deleting the supplementary preference architecture.
Jonathan, every single time: He turned it off and back on again.
Chapter 56: Yep, That Tracks
Jonathan: The universe has let me live another day, and I'm going to make it everyone else's problem.
Chapter 57: Hear Me Out; Platonic, Snarky Ivycrow
Jonathan: When I met you, I thought you were a real bitch.
Ivy: What changed your mind?
Jonathan: Oh, I still think you're a bitch, I've just grown to like that about you.
Ivy: Is that a plant joke?
Jonathan: ...Maybe.
Chapter 58: Will And Grace Is A Very Fun Show
Jervis: What do you think of Alice Through The Looking Glass, Hare?
Jonathan, not thinking: I haven't read it.
Jervis, suddenly very serious: WHAT?! Whyever not?
Jonathan, in oh-crap mode: I can't read.
Jervis: Oh my God! I'm sorry, Jon, I should've known. I-
Jonathan, sighing: I can read! You've seen me read!
Chapter 59: Meh
Harvey, watching Jonathan & Jervis panic: What's going on?
Edward: Jon's having a midlife crisis and Jervis is just having a crisis.
Chapter 60: Community Is A Great Show
//Dr Quinzel runs into Professor Crane post-Scarecrow's debut, in Arkham.
Jonathan: ...and then Ed threw him! The look on his face, I swear-
Harleen, happy: Are you laughing, Professor? What has this place done to you?
Jonathan: Oh, you have no idea, child.
Jervis: -runs up and puts a monstrous origami hat on Jonathan's head-
Jervis: Hat club! -runs off-
Harleen: -stares-
Jonathan: Now you have some idea.
Chapter 61: One Of Us (We're All Mad Here)
Jonathan: I currently have seven empty notebooks and no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?
Jervis, feeding Kor: Put spaghetti in it.
Jonathan: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.
Edward, laughing: I have to go with Spaghetti.
Jonathan: I'm currently taking suggestions from everyone except you two.
Twoface: -flips Coin- Spaghetti.
Corvin: -chitters in amusement-
Jonathan: I'm no longer taking suggestions, and I'm going to go look for better friends. Fuck all of you. -starts to leave-
Jervis, Edward, Harvey, and Harley: We love you too!
Stephanie: Get milk while you're out!
Ivy, who had stayed the night: What..?
Harv: Eh, you'll get used to it.
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Comments carried over from AO3 (22)
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Omg they are so adorbs!
Took me a minute to realize the tweedles are Harv and Harvey! Love it. Makes sooo much sense.
Bagels=love!
What's the lore behind Steph being adopted by Edward? Was she like 'hey, guy my Dad rips off, can you get custody so I don't have to deal with the sucky version?' and he agreed because she's rouge-level crazy and shares his humor?
Oh, so, this is mostly NOT canon, but:
Edward reluctantly worked with her dad a few times, despite not liking the man very much, which is how he finds out about Stephanie. Stephanie was emotionally neglected, but not outright abused, and incredibly intelligent. He decides to start working with her dad more often as an excuse to babysit her, teaching her things and basically doing the stuff her dad should but doesn't.
Then he finds out her dad's a murderer (my version of Riddler is against murder), and is horrified that he's unknowingly helped in several murders, so plans to leave clues to get him arrested. Stephanie beats him to it, donning the identity of the Spoiler (her hero name from the comics), and leaving clues for the police.
Unfortunately, her dad ends up getting shot. She's wracked with guilt and about to go into foster care, but Edward creates a civilian identity for the sole purpose of adopting her. She still becomes a hero in my version, she's just a hero who's the daughter of a villain.
(Wow, that got longer than I meant it to.)
This is amazing backstory! I love it!
Thanks!
No, wait, hang on- Batman is made out of fear, because of grief, because Bruce's family (which he loved very much) died in front of him. All the other Gotham vigilantes vigilante because they're connected to Batman's love in someway, and he wouldn't be who he is if he wasn't an orphan that loves other orphans and loves the world enough to try to save it even though no one saved his world when he was a kid. Joker's right.
(Should I be concerned that Joker keeps making sense, or glad that it's your Joker?)
That's actually a LOT more meaning than I realized could be taken from that, and now I'M concerned Joker's actually making sense...
But he's making sense in a way most people wouldn't think about, so... It's probably fine(?)
💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
Steph. Stephanie. Sweetie. They're all frequently shipped of to Arkham, which can barely handle their crazy long enough to get them through the door. What did you think was going to happen?
She shoulda known better. 😂
I love Mad Hatter's nicknames for everyone! Do you have a list of them all?
Sort of. I'm still deciding for a lot of them. March Hare and Dormouse I got from popular fandom, but:
Humpty-Dumpty -- Edward before they became close.
The White King -- Mr Freeze.
The White Queen -- Nora Fries.
Lily The White Pawn -- If I ever give the Fries' a child.
Tweedle Dum & Tweedle Dee -- Twoface.
The Knave Of Hearts -- The Joker.
Cheshire -- Catwoman.
Alice -- Either Stephanie or Harley, probably?
After that, my list gets a lot less concrete. Thanks for asking! 😊
Of course! I love Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, so it's interesting seeing what names are given to the characters :)
Wonderland and Looking Glass are both so much fun. Did you know that the Cheshire Cat was one of the politest/least bossy characters in the book?
Yes! Everyone else either tries to talk Alice's ear off or drags her somewhere else, but the Cheshire cat is just chilling in his tree.
I know, right? Plus he asks if the pig baby is doing well multiple times, disappears more slowly when Alice says he's scaring her, gives her actually useful instructions in the forest, and appears later solely to check up on Alice. I as well believe he was the only character Alice referred to as a friend.
Can I have an emergency support crow?
I'm pretty sure you'd have to spend years obsessively feeding and befriending them first.
Bet. Starting mission now.
Oh wow, it fits them perfectly!
I know, right? Then again, 'Why is a raven like a writing desk' fits everyone in all situations, and no one can change my mind.
Do you know the awnser to the riddle? It's pretty interesting.
There actually isn't an answer, but many people have come up with one. I think it has something to do with the fact they both have feathers (referring to writing quills).
Oh, cool! The one I've heard is "Poe wrote on both of them" because of the poem The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe.
Oh, that's a good one. And fits Jonathan somewhat, considering Poe was a horror writer.
LMAO
I...*brain melts*
In a good way, I hope.
Probably!? Water + water = plant is not something I expected to mess with my brain that much. Love Steph confusing her dad though!
It would be a wonderful sitcom
Thanks! We need a Rogues sitcom, DC needs to get on that ASAP
Poor Steph XD
Joker would rock that Supergirl costume though.
Strangely, I think he actually would. The animated series showed that he's got the legs for it, and his pale skin would make the red and and blue pop.
The question is would he dye his hair or buy a wig? (No Joker, no one else has green hair in Gotham specifically so they can spot you. They will know.)
I love the idea that green is pretty much a no-go hair dye color in Gotham! In fact, maybe all dyes are banned in Gotham?
Or maybe just 'fun' colors? Too many people dye grey hair for natural colors to be successfully banned.
I think after the 60th city-wide lockdown due to clowns/plants/snowmen/etc, people would be willing to agree to nearly anything. But yeah, hair dye probably couldn't be successfully banned, especially not in Gotham (it would become the next hot smuggling item if they tried, thus somehow getting more common).
💜💜💜💜
LMAO- when they team up they team up good
Yep. 😂
He has a very specific number (it's part of his drama equation).
Drama equation might be the best words I've heard this week. 😂
LMAO
Jonathan listing his titles gave me "and I, Jack, The Pumpkin King" vibes.
And to awnser your notes, no! I always picture Edward holding a giant question mark cane, and he's probably not glued to it.
I wonder if Jonathan would be flattered or insulted by that comparison?
Probably insulted because Jack goes soft (as in, gets bored and chooses Christmas of all things)
Yeah, the King of Halloween has nothing on the Master Of Fear.
Did Ivy appreciate the joke or shank him with a rosebush?
She appreciates the joke but pretends not to, because that's the way their friendship works in my head.
She might still 'shank him with a rosebush' (😂) because that's how Ivy works period.
Love how this starts and ends with "you'll get used to it"!
Thanks! I love full-circle things like that.
Are the emergency support crows Craw, Nightmare, and Ichabod?
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