The Whole Gang

Chapter 1: Deep Cover

Roxanne: Wayne! We thought you were dead!

Music Man, panicking: Nope! Just, um... In deep cover.

Megamind: You were hit by a death ray.

Music Man: It was very deep?

Chapter 2: Taking You Down With Me

Wayne: I'm not that stupid!

Roxanne: I want to believe you, Wayne, but you literally just ate the wax from a babybel.

Megamind: [tries to stifle laughter]

Wayne: BLUE TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

Roxanne: He what?

Megamind: Ah, shit.

Chapter 3: Hardened Criminals

Wayne: What's the most illegal thing you can do for a dollar?

Roxanne: Exchange it for a hundred pennies, put them in a sock, and beat someone with it.

Megamind and Minion: [burst into laughter]

Megamind: [wheezes] I'm sorry, but that isn't even close to the most ill-legal thing you could do.

Minion: 'Beat someone with it' — you're hilarious, Miss Ritchi!

Chapter 4: Wile E Coyote But Blue And Fish

//One of the earliest kidnappings

Minion, entering the Lair: Hello, Sir, how's the plot going?

Megamind: I hit my head three times, I blew up my favorite shirt, and I forgot my cape at the prison.

Minion: Oh, okay! That's pretty good.

Megamind: Yup!

Minion: I lost the Disguise Watch so I couldn't steal groceries, and the Invisible Car got a flat.

Megamind: Hey, not bad compared to last week.

Minion: I know, right?

Roxanne: ...

Roxanne: Are they okay?

Metro Man: Not as long as I've known them, no.

Chapter 5: Set Up

Roxanne: Wayne, are you free on Wednesday?

Wayne: Yeah, Roxie, if you need me to be.

Roxanne: What about you, Megamind?

Megamind: Sadly, I have to–

Minion: His schedule's clear.

Roxanne: Great! I'm working that day, but you two have got a joint therapy with an excellent childhood trauma expert that owes me a favor. Noon sharp, don't be late!

Megamind: She can't just do that!

Megamind: ...can she?

Wayne: I think she just did.

Chapter 6: Hyperactive

Metro Man: Megamind is restricted to decaf for the rest of this adventure.

Megamind: You aren't the boss of me, Wayne.

Metro Man: Okay, we'll vote. All in favor, say 'ay'.

Roxanne: Ay.

Megamind: Hey!

Minion: Ay.

Megamind: SERIOUSLY!?

Chapter 7: How Megamind Fell In Love

//Another early kidnapping

Roxanne: Wayne's a jerk.

Megamind, wary: I'm well aware, Miss Ritchi.

Roxanne: I want to prank him, but I need you and Minion to help.

Megamind: ...what.

Roxanne: And by 'help', I mean 'prank him for me'.

Megamind: ...What?

Minion: We'd love to, but we're in the middle of a plot right now. Sir should be back out of jail by next week, though, if that's good for you?

Roxanne: Sure, Minion. Thanks.

Minion: Of course, Miss Ritchi. Sir, the plot's starting.

Megamind, staring at Roxanne: [turns away quickly, blushing] Ha! Right, yes, Evil!

Chapter 8: 2 + 2

Roxanne, to Metro Man: I have a problem.

Megamind, busy being shoved into a police car but unable to resist the impulse to chime in: If it's harder than 2 + 2, maybe you should ask for help elsewhere, Miss Ritchi!

Metro Man: Hey!

Roxanne: Don't worry, it's simple enough for him to handle!

Metro Man: I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE!

Chapter 9: Destiny

Wayne: Who knew getting in trouble would be so impossible?

Roxanne: I have to give you credit, Megamind, you make it look easy.

Megamind, proudly: Years of practice.

Chapter 10: Raising Three Alien Men

Roxanne: Well, what do you three have to say for yourselves?

Metro Man: ...

Minion: ...

Megamind: ...Oops?

Chapter 11: Silver Linings

Wayne: Did you like the food I made?

Megamind: No, not really.

Wayne: But I put my heart and soul into it!

Megamind: No wonder it tasted so cold and bitter.

Roxanne: I asked you two to behave for one night. Is that really so difficult?

Wayne and Megamind: Yes.

Minion: Look at the bright side, Miss Ritchi; at least they agree on something.

Chapter 12: Are You Sure?

Roxanne: We call that a traumatic experience.

Roxanne, turning to Wayne: Not a 'bruh moment'.

Roxanne, turning to Minion: Not 'sadge'.

Roxanne, turning to Megamind: And definitely not an 'oof LMAO'.

Chapter 13: Pronunciation

Wayne: Hey, guys!

Megamind: Ugh, you again.

Wayne: Roxie, check out this funny .GIF I found!

Roxanne: It’s pronounced 'jif'.

Wayne: Huh?

Roxanne: 'Dot jif', like the peanut butter. The creator said so.

Wayne: That’s dumb, it’s Graphics Interchange Format.

Megamind: Since when do you know stuff like that?

Roxanne: The P in .JPEG stands for 'photographic', but I bet you don’t say 'J-pheg'.

Megamind: Wait, it's not pronounced j-ph–?

Wayne: 'P' on its own doesn't sound like 'F', that’s totally different!

Roxanne: It’s exactly the same!

Wayne: Name one word that starts with 'G' pronounced like 'J'.

Megamind: Gyrosc–

Roxanne: Gentrification.

Wayne: Shoot, should have thought of that. I was just in San Francisco.

Roxanne: For your logic to be consistent, you’d have to say 'skuh-bah' or 'lah-seer'!

Megamind: Hey, that's–

Wayne: Yeah? Well, you’d have to say 'J-pej'!

Wayne: …Wait, 'laser' is an acronym?

Megamind: I'm not even going to try with this one.

Roxanne: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation.

Wayne: Huh. Didn’t know that.

Wayne: You’re still wrong, though.

Roxanne: You just hate me because I’m right.

Wayne: I just hate you in general.

Megamind: You don't hate her at all!

Roxanne: You mean in 'geh-neral'?

Wayne: Ugh, I’m 'joing' to get you for that!

Megamind: ...

Megamind: Fuck you both.

Minion: Sir, I don't think they're doing it on purpose.

Roxanne and Wayne: We are.

Chapter 14: Pluto Is Best Boy

Wayne, to Megamind: One universe, nine planets, seven seas, seven continents, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting you.

Roxanne: Hey, that’s not very nice–

Megamind: There are only eight planets in this soh-lar system, you uncultured swine!

Roxanne, turning on Megamind: VIVA LA PLUTO, FUCK YOU!

Megamind: [confused alien noises]

Chapter 15: The Universe's Sense Of Humor (Is Rarely Kind)

Roxanne: Why is Megamind crying on the floor?

Minion: Sir took one of those 'What Famous Person Are You?' quizzes.

Roxanne: And?

Minion: He got Metro Man.

Chapter 16: Difference In Opinion

Megamind: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.

Minion: You are my reward, Sir.

--meanwhile--

Metro Man: You deserve a reward for putting up with me, Roxie.

Roxanne: True, you can be really difficult at times.

Chapter 17: Vegetarian's Plight

Roxanne: Plants have feelings too?! What is this? Now I can't have food!

Minion: You can eat rocks, become a petravore.

Wayne: Or try the air diet.

Megamind: Depending on how much you care about personal safety, I think I might have figured out a way to survive solely on the fabric of time and space.

Roxanne: You guys are not helpful.

Roxanne: Interesting, but useless.

Chapter 18: Luv

Minion: Sir, do you love Roxanne?

Megamind: Yes, I do.

Minion: Mr Scott! I told you, I knew it! You owe me 100 bucks!

Wayne: We all love Roxanne. You should've asked if he's IN love with her.

Megamind: I thought that was implied.

Wayne: ...

Minion: ...

Megamind, looking straight at Wayne: Congrats, Minyon, you just won 100 doh-lars.

Chapter 19: Thoughts On Stabbing

Wayne: [Would never stab anyone.]

Megamind: [Would stab someone in retaliation.]

Minion: [Would stab without warning.]

Roxanne: [Would stab as a warning.]

Chapter 20: Orange

Roxanne: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?

Wayne: Which came first, the orange or the orange?

Megamind: Orange was originally used to refer to the fruit. Over time, humans started calling things of a similar color to said fruit 'orange'.

Roxanne: so what was the color called before then?

Megamind: Mostly, people just thought of it as being various shades of red and yellow. Think of how teal is pretty much just blue-green.

Wayne: Huh. And here I thought everything was just black and white back then! Who knew?

Wayne: You're a genius, little buddy.

Megamind: ...

Megamind: I can't decide whether to mock you or cry.

Chapter 21: Calculations

Wayne: Roxie! I can't do this stupid math!

Roxanne: What’s the math problem?

Wayne: Well, we have to add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope we don’t multiply.

Minion, covering Megamind's ears, while Roxanne smacks Wayne upside the head: Not going to lie, Mr Scott, that was hella smooth.

Chapter 22: Games

Wayne: Truth or dare?

Megamind: Truth.

Wayne: Do you–

Roxanne: I dare you to kiss me...

Megamind: [kisses Roxanne]

Wayne, to Minion: He picked 'truth', right?

Minion, shrugging: We aren't very good at this game.

Chapter 23: Bi ≠ Straight

Wayne: The only straight I am is a straight-up badass.

Minion: Is there anyone here who’s actually straight?

Roxanne: [raises hand]

Megamind: [pushes her hand down]

Chapter 24: The End (For Now)

Roxanne: Guys, I need help.

Minion: Financial help?

Wayne: Emotional help?

Megamind: Help framing that bitch from work you're always complaining about?

[Everybody looks at Megamind]

Megamind: What?

Chapter 25: Fanart