90 sparksChapter 8: In Which We Learn More About Riddler And Penguin's Unusual Friendship
Quick thing: I headcanon Query and Echo as Riddler's aunts who he moved in with during his midteens. Deirdre Vance is blood-related to him, while Nina Damfino is related through Deirdre.
I feel the need to point out that Ed's more-or-less being funny and he just means he's known Ozzie a long time and is loyal to him partly because of family loyalty. He's just framing it as brainwashing for kicks... mostly.
[BruceTheBat]: RIDDLER YOU TOLD YOUR THERAPIST MY NAME?!
[Dormouse]: Oh shit you codenamed me. I'm speaking to the Bat now, aren't I?
[BruceTheBat]: Yes. Now get talking.
[Dormouse]: She tricked me!
[BruceTheBat]: How?
[Dormouse]: I will have you know that outsmarting me isn't easy and I hardly expected an ARKHAM THERAPIST to manage it.
[BruceTheBat]: Riddler. Explain NOW.
[Dormouse]: She solved the riddle I gave her about it.
[BruceTheBat]: You.
[BruceTheBat]: What.
[Dormouse]: In my defense I no longer give random people riddles about it!
[BruceTheBat]: You're lucky you're technically now my responsibility, Nygma.
[Dormouse]: Ah, yes! School policy! The coordinator can't punch a teacher's teeth in! I'm sure that's in there somewhere, it's weirdly long and detailed.
[Dormouse]: So you can't hurt me.
[BruceTheBat]: Not unless I quit.
[Dormouse]: Someone help me.
[Royal Fool]: what other secrets ya been telling this lady, eddie-boy
[Plant Princess Harley]: Yeah, is this why you didn't want her coming?
[Dormouse]: Not much. Just a few things here and there, reallajreahjysfn
[Dormouse]: Dammit, I didn't mean to press send.
[Dormouse]: Can everyone maybe just forget they saw that??
[Ready For My Close Up]: What the fuck even WAS that??
[Haigha]: That was his no-lying compulsion acting up. He has a bit more leeway through text, but not much.
[Haigha]: He's told her everything about us, I'd say. Haven't you, Edward?
[Dormouse]: I don't suppose a sorry would fix things, would it?
[Haigha]: I hope the spasm leaves your hand aching for the rest of the day.
[Croc]: evn I ddnt tell her nuthin
[Gotham's Plant Queen]: Wtf, Nygma?
[Two For One Special]: Everyone leave Edward the fuck alone. We all've said some things to those damn headshrinkers that we regret.
[Two For One Special]: And we all know Edward wouldn't have betrayed any of us on purpose without something big in it for him. She really must have tricked him somehow, because what could he possibly get out of this?
[Royal Fool]: plentya things!
[Two For One Special]: Like what?
[Two For One Special]: Well?
[Royal Fool]: give me a second im thinking
[Emperor Penguin]: Those secrets better not include mine, my dear boy.
[Dormouse]: OF COURSE NOT OZZIE I WOULD NEVER
[Hatta]: Why are his secrets safe and kept close to heart, while ours are left to be torn wide apart?
[Dormouse]: Because I've been conditioned from my mid teens onward to guard Oswald's secrets with my life and sanity.
[BruceTheBat]: What the actual fuck are you talking about?
[Dormouse]: My aunts were very loyal employees of the Iceberg Lounge and knew I was too clever not to figure anything out about it. So they took any spare moment they could to instill that same loyalty in me, as a safety precaution.
[Royal Fool]: ive told you before eddie you should really leave the jokes to me
[Dormouse]: I'm not joking.
[Dormouse]: My friendship with Oswald may have involved a little bit of mild childhood brainwashing, but it's one I cherish nonetheless.
[Plant Princess Harley]: So... We're all too freaked out to stay mad at him now, yeah?
[Gotham's Plant Queen]: Ooooh, yeah
[Ready For My Close Up]: Definitely
[Croc]: wsnt rlly tht mad at him to began with but sur
[Haigha]: I might be a little mad at Cobblepot now, actually
[Nora's Husband]: Yes, I am as well. Oswald, care to explain yourself?
[Emperor Penguin]: I never ASKED the girls to do it, to be fair.
[Emperor Penguin]: But Edward is a brilliant and valued member of my organization, and I will not regret his loyalty no matter how it came to be.
[Dormouse]: Aw, Ozzie! 😍
[Haigha]: Edward we've talked about this, you need to stop being so easily swayed by praise.
[Oracle]: What the actual fuck kind of cult are you guys in?
[BruceTheBat]: That's what I said!
[BruceTheBat]: Of course, I wasn't entirely serious that time. But I am now...
[Dormouse]: Relax, I'm fine.
[Dormouse]: I've undergone professional deprogramming before for unrelated reasons and my loyalty to Oz is completely genuine, if oddly-origined.
[Oracle]: Okay this is like five or ten different levels of concerning, but I'm too busy to focus on it right now.
[Oracle]: B, I can't do the modifications to the chat. You guys treat identities way too flippantly for that, it'd basically be pointless. Which is just like SERIOUSLY, hypocrite?
[Oracle]: Anyways, I CAN create a new chat and upload edited versions of this one's conversations to make it SEEM like the real chat while removing all the identity stuff about you.
[Plant Princess Harley]: Are you going to tell her or should I?
[BruceTheBat]: Give her a second
[Oracle]: Okay I just read the bit where she already knows your name so I guess all the work I've done setting up the false chat program is useless now.
[Oracle]: Fun.
[BruceTheBat]: It's not useless. It can be used as a backup plan.
[Oracle]: I literally hate this chat so much.
[Haigha]: Welcome to the club, Miss Delphi.
[Oracle]: Miss Delphi?
[Plant Princess Harley]: It's what we call you since even Eddie can't figure out your real name, sugar.
[Oracle]: Oh that's cool. I actually kind of like that.
[Oracle]: it's better than what you guys call the Robins, anyways.
[Dormouse]: Nothing but the best for the one person whose hacking skills I'm comfortable admitting actually terrify me.
[Oracle]: Aw, thanks 😊
[Dormouse]: For instance, I wanted to change your nickname just now to Miss Delphi, but I can't access your name in the chat. In fact, the chat seems to mostly not register your existence at all.
[Dormouse]: So I guess you're sticking with your actual codename instead.
[Oracle]: Why change perfection? :)
//Later
[Dormouse]: Hey, Twosie? @TwoForOneSpecial, can we talk?
[Two For One Special]: So you've finally deemed us worthy of speaking to you again, huh?
[Dormouse]: I admit that I've been throwing a bit of a tantrum lately. But you hurt me.
[Two For One Special]: It was a JOKE, Edward.
[Dormouse]: I know. Please, allow me to explain my reaction.
[Two For One Special]: Go on.
[Dormouse]: You two have always valued my intelligence, and I took your comment so badly because I viewed it as a sign that such value was false.
[Dormouse]: That you, like so many before you, were merely placating me with praise to make me tolerable and in actuality thought me a 'freak' for the things my brain is capable of, and thus were just using me for what I can do for you.
[Dormouse]: But then you defended me today, risking ostracization from our fellow Rogues. Despite knowing I most likely revealed things about the both of you, too. Despite having nothing to gain.
[Two For One Special]: Of course we defended you, Ed. What's the point of being the bruiser in the group if we can't throw our weight around for our friends?
[Two For One Special]: Metaphorically or otherwise.
[Dormouse]: So you do value me, that means, if you see me as someone worth defending. If you see me as a real friend. And even if you look down on my intelligence...
[Dormouse]: I have never cared so deeply about someone before that such disregard wouldn't be a dealbreaker. But it really isn't with the two of you.
[Dormouse]: I wish to remain your friend, if you will still accept me as such. I just ask that you refrain from making more comments regarding my mental capabilities where I can hear/read them, if you please.
[Dormouse]: So what do you two say? Friends again?
[Two For One Special]: Harvey here, I want you to know that I am trying so hard to stop Harv from calling you an idiot right now.
[Dormouse]: Excuse me? I pour my heart and soul out, accept your insult as a permissible price of our friendship, and then you IMMEDIATELY cross the one line I give???
[Two For One Special]: Edward, we were serious when we said it was just a JOKE. We were admittedly a little freaked out by the knowledge that you can apparently hide your memories from yourself, but that's actually pretty neat if we're being honest.
[Two For One Special]: We didn't mean anything deeper by it, and we most certainly don't look down on that big, beautiful mind of yours, Ed.
[Dormouse]: really?
[Two For One Special]: We've never once given you empty fucking praise or told you what you wanted to hear just to shut you the Hell up. We've meant it every time we've called you a genius or one of your plans brilliant, you absolute doofus.
[Two For One Special]: Or whenever I've called you a whiny, smartass little bitch. I meant the 'smart' part every bit as much as the 'ass' part, Eddie.
[Dormouse]: Oh.
[Dormouse]: Well.
[Dormouse]: I suppose our friendship can continue on unimpeded and without complications, then! :)
[Plant Princess Harley]: Oh, I doubt that last bit. ❤️❤️❤️
[Dormouse]: What???
[Plant Princess Harley]: Nothing ;)
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Comments carried over from AO3 (16)
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PLEASE write more!!! 🤍🤎♥️❤️💙💚💛💜🖤🧡🩷🩶🩵🫀❤️🔥
It has been done! 😁 😁 😁
Happy spooky season! 🎃🎃🎃
🎃🎃🎃
The frozen-hearted mad scientist is all their dad, and the undead-tree feminist is their aunt. This should tell you how crazy Gotham is 😂
Seriously, amazing fic 😍, can't wait for the next chapter!
Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed! 😁
This is a lot of fun! (I can't keep track of everyone and don't know a couple characters but that's on me and it's still soo good!!!)
1 Gothams Plant Queen - Poison Ivy
2 Bruce The Bat - Batman/Bruce Wayne
3 Dormouse - Riddler
4 Ready For My Close Up - ClayFace
5 Haigha - Scarecrow
6 Hatta - Mad Hatter
7 Emperor Penguin - Penguin
8 Nora's Husband - Mr Freeze
9 Kitty Cat Burglar - Catwoman
10 Plant Princess Harley - Harley Quinn
11 Royal Fool - Joker
12 Two For One Special - Two-Face
13 Croc - Killer Croc
14 Manny - Manbat ➖ Langstrom
Hope this helps!
Poison Ivy is a reborn feminist & plant activist, who has a poisonous kiss, that can hypnotize men.
Riddler is an obsessive genius, who dresses in green spandex, and does does crime and leaves clues. He also makes giant mazes, which he traps people in. He is obsessed with batman and showing his intelligence. He got cancer, cured it with the Lazarus Pits, and came back and became a villain. He has a ❓ shaped cane. His theme is question marks.
Batman is a rich man who saw his parents murdered when he was a kid. He left Gotham, trained for many years, and now fights crime in a bat suit (and keeps adopting kids/sidekicks).
ClayFace is... A giant pile of goo? He used to be an actor, and thinks his roles are who he actually is (schizophrenic). He can also shapeshift.
Scarecrow is an ex psychologist, who specialized in fear. He now dresses as a scarecrow and spreads his Feartoxin (a substance that makes you relive you worse fear, tho that varies depending on series), he also used to be a teacher, and it is a popular head canon that he taught Harley. He also hates Christians, and has religious trauma from his great-grandmother.
Mad Hatter is an ex neurologist, who went insane, thought he was the mad hatter, and that his coworker was Alice, hypnotized her, and speaks in rhymes (tho this writer usually tones down his worse parts, as well as other characters worse parts).
Penguin is a rich mobster? Pretty much the only non-insane rogue. He almost never gets caught, if he does he goes to an actual prison, not the asylum. The most successful out of all of them, if you ask me. He also runs the Iceberg Lounge, hotspot for crime in Gotham.
Mr Freeze is the saddest batman villain... He does crime to try and save his dying wife, who is currently in cryostasis. He is stuck in a survival suit? Kinda like a space suit, he is stuck in it, because he requires below freezing temperatures to survive (because of a lab accident). He uses technology to freeze things in his crimes. He is a cryogenics scientist. 🩵 His wife's name is Nora.
Catwoman is a cat burglar, who dresses as a cat. She flirts with batman a lot. She is very sassy. Her and Bruce (batman) were friends as kids. They both fall in love as Selina (her savilian identity) and Bruce, while fighting as Catwoman and Batman, not knowing each other's identities.
Harley Quinn was a psychologist at Arkham, with some mental issues of her own. She was assigned to joker, fell for him, helped him escape, and became a villain with him. She dresses as a clown (a Harlequin), and works with joker. She is basically the embodiment of cotton candy. She acts kinda like if you gave a child a bunch of candy and coffee, and then set them free in an amusement park. She is also good at acrobatics.
Joker is an insane clown. He was a low-level criminal, who worked for a criminal ring called the Red Hood, until they had him pretend to be their leader, batman fought him, and he fell in a vat of chemicals. He somehow survived, but lost his sanity. He is obsessed with batman (and in love with him). The accident bleached his skin, and turned his lips bright red and his hair green. He dresses a a clown (a joker) and poisons people with his joker venom (which in canon makes them laugh, and then kills them, tho in fannon people often soften that so that it just makes them laugh, or makes them go into a coma). He is Batman's greatest foe.
Two-Face was an amazing lawyer in Gotham. Trying to clean up the city. He was a friend of Bruce's. He also had split personality disorder. Through out high school and his adult life, he pushed down any violent or aggressive thoughts, which became Big Bad Harv. All of which he was able to hide and manage, until an accident happen, leaving half his body covered in scars, leaving him blaming the police and batman for this, and letting Harv out to play. Harv formed to protect young Harvey, but ended up becoming the scum he hated most. As they fight against each other, they use a special coin to decide who makes the decisions.
Killer Croc is... A deformed crocodile-man? Sorry, honestly don't know much about him.
Manny is Manbat ➖ Langstrom. He is kinda a character made by this author? (Tho taken from a real character?). Manny is very adorable, and basically a giant child. Everyone loves Manny. Cannon - Langstrom a scientist who studied bats. He experimented on himself, mixing bat DNA into his, turning himself into a kinda a giant bat. Bruce Wayne (batman) made a cure for him, turning him back into a human. Langstrom reinfected himself (on purpose), and turned himself back into Manbat. He was also mistaken as batman at first.
Hope this helps!
PS: most my understanding of this comes from fandom and my sisters ramblings. So, maybe take this with a grain of salt!
PS: my sister just told me that Langstrom did NOT purposely reinfect himself (depending on cannon the cure was faulty, it was a split personality, the stuff that turned him was addictive, or someone else reinfected him). I was thinking of creeper (a different character, who is basically mini-joker, and I like to change him so that he is Joker's adopted son). My bad.
Ohmygosh this is so amazing!!! (also THE RIDDLER WAS IN THE PITS?! WHAT?!) THIS IS SO GOOD! I feel like this should be pinned to most fannon works so those of use who just read the fics know what's happening!!! <3
Glad I could help 😊
I made it into a fic! 😊
https://archiveofourown.org/works/75081156
I'm so glad you like it! Thanks!
Yeah, with as big a cast as Batman as, this fandom really is a coin toss on knowing who anyone is 😂
I'd explain, but it seems like someone beat me to it... How kind. :)
OMG this is amazing!
Vic just coming in and fixing it 😂 he is ALL of their dad 😂
Please write more! 🥺🧐
Thanks! No more yet, sorry :/ Glad you enjoyed, though! 😁
One of the funniest things I have read in a while, speant a good amount of time laughing inbetween in each bit
Aw, thank you! I absolutely LOVE knowing I made someone laugh. 😁 😁 😁
(Previous comment deleted.)
Thank you! 😍
I'm glad you enjoyed it 😀
(Previous comment deleted.)
Ah, sorry, but no. People close to me have dealt with scammers, hackers, and even stalkers in the past, so I don't connect with anyone online unless I know them in real life. And besides that, I don't really use social media. I'm glad you like the fic, though! 😁
Those nicknames are diabolical. Also not a foc I'm gonna read in class I had to wheeze so hard so many times. I think my highlight was "the last of the waynes"
1) Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying and like the nicknames. I love knowing I made someone laugh 😊
2) What does foc mean?
3) Why do so many people read my fics during class?? 🤣
1) you're welcome 😊
2 I meant fic. My phone broke I can barely type anymore 😭
3) bc class is boring lol
Dang what school r they in
Ours still has chemistry equipment from a past country (no joke) and our sun system tables sill list Pluto as a planet.
Also I want Joker as chemistry teacher I'm bad at it anyway might as well die in school 😭
A very, very crazy school, is what they're in XD
Okay, so I was homeschooled and I knew school equipment is usually outdated, but I didn't know it could be THAT bad 😯
I'm glad you're enjoying the fic 😊
I love it
Where I'm from home school isn't allowed so I assumed my pain was universal lol
Can't be a public school that's for sure lol
It weirds me out that they can ban homeschool anywhere. Parents should have the right to teach their kids themselves. Formal, external schooling should always be optional, in my opinion.
It doesn't help that public schools basically all suck XD
Ok now I gotta ask what scarecrows nickname means. Mabye I'm nott American enough to understand?😭
Oh, right, I forgot that this isn't common knowledge — in 'Alice Through The Looking Glass', it's revealed that the March Hare and the Hatter have actual names: Haigha and Hatta.
1. How does Fries type when he has gloves on
2. ENSLAVING people as TEACHERS is just double cruelty someone call human resources or the un or whoever is in Charge for that
3. How is a mental asylum for the criminally insane worse than a public school (especially in America no offense)
4. Joker is right. Coffee isn't fun
i laughed so w my life at Harv's contact name 😭
The nicknames are the best part of a chat fic, honestly XD
Glad to know I made you laugh. Query: what does 'so w my life' mean?
Thanks for commenting! :)
NOT TWO-FACE TALKING TO HIMSELF KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
It's not Twoface if he's not talking to himself 😂
I'm glad you're enjoying! 😁
Lol, now I want an entire fic about the kids school group chat 😆
[Dormouse]: My friendship with Oswald may have involved a little bit of mild childhood brainwashing, but it's one I cherish nonetheless.
WTAF 😂😂😂
I love Eddie+Twosie SO MUCH! THEY ARE ADORABLE!!!
The amount of times I had to muffle giggles bc my spouse is sleeping probably exceeded once per chapter I love them <3
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