Chapter 6: In Which Jervis Is A Little Bit Terrifying
[BruceTheBat]: Whoever keeps putting mild poisons in the coffee in the teachers lounge, please stop.
[Two For One Special]: Why are you acting like you don't already know which one of us has regular access to chemicals?
[Royal Fool]: hey I'm innocent!!! 😇
[Ready For My Close Up]: Since when are you EVER innocent?
[BruceTheBat]: I know it wasn't Joker because there's no joke connected to the poisoning. No-one's even laughing uncontrollably.
[Royal Fool]: See I'm a innocent sweetheart whose never done 1 thing wrong in his lives
[BruceTheBat]: No
[Royal Fool]: well im at least innocent THIS time
[BruceTheBat]: If anyone knows who's doing it, I suggest you come forward immediately.
[Plant Princess Harley]: Ha! Like any of us would ever snitch on each other Batsy!
[BruceTheBat]: If it isn't solved soon the school will be forced to stop purchasing coffee
[Haigha]: JERVIS IT WAS JERVIS
[Dormouse]: Jervis did it!
[Hatta]: YOU TELL MY SECRETS TO THE COWL, YOU TWO BETRAYERS FOUL
[Haigha]: I love you Jervis, but I love coffee more
[Dormouse]: Sorry bud.
[BruceTheBat]: Tetch, why did you poison the coffee?
[Hatta]: Perhaps it was a tad drastic of me
[Hatta]: But I tend to get grouchy when I go without tea
[Dormouse]: Understatement of the century
[Haigha]: Edward, why do you insist on testing boundaries when we're already on someone's hit list?
[Dormouse]: Amusement? Spite? You're the psychologist, you figure it out.
[BruceTheBat]: There are easier ways to request tea for the teachers lounge, Tetch
[Hatta]: Admittedly, I've been a tad unreasonable as of late.
[Hatta]: Nevertheless, for your answer regarding tea I now wait.
[BruceTheBat]: Well I can't get it for you NOW. That would be rewarding bad behavior.
[Hatta]: The poisonings will continue until tea is procured.
[Ready For My Close Up]: He stopped rhyming. What does it mean when he stops rhyming???
[Haigha]: It means shit's fucked.
[BruceTheBat]: If the poisonings continue, you lose coffee AND you will be all the less likely to ever gain tea.
[Hatta]: Fine. If I can't have my chosen warm morning drink then NO ONE CAN
[Dormouse]: Correction — shit's REALLY fucked.
[Plant Princess Harley]: hatty pls think of the rest of us!
[Hatta]: The rest of you aren't helping me gain tea.
[Plant Princess Harley]: HATTY!!
[Gotham's Plant Queen]: Don't worry Harls, I've got a plan
[Gotham's Plant Queen]: VICTOR GET YOUR ASS IN THE CHAT @Nora's Husband
[Nora's Husband]: Why have I been summoned so dramatically?
[Plant Princess Harley]: Hey, ANOTHER sigh! THEY'RE MULTIPLYING!!!! 😱😱😱
[Croc]: reed chat vic
[Nora's Husband]: JERVIS NO, BAD!
[Hatta]: But I'm being deprived!
[Nora's Husband]: So you take it out on your friends?
[Nora's Husband]: What have we done to deserve harm?
[Hatta]: My poisons are harmless, they merely cause stomachaches at worst
[Nora's Husband]: You are causing your loved ones pain and distress because of your own annoyance.
[Nora's Husband]: You are well-aware of Crane's love for coffee, yet you would deprive him due to your own foul mood?
[Nora's Husband]: What a fine way to treat him you claim to love. I thought you were better than this, Tetch.
[Nora's Husband]: Did you learn NOTHING from your actions with Alice?
[Hatta]: ...oh dear.
[Hatta]: I apologize, Jonathan. I apologize EVERYONE.
[Hatta]: I forgot myself, I'm afraid. You, my dear friends, deserve better than such ghastly behavior.
[Plant Princess Harley]: Aw, it's alright hatty
[Plant Princess Harley]: What's a little poison between friends?
[Gotham's Plant Queen]: Yeah yeah whatever.
[Croc]: its ok
[Haigha]: You're forgiven.
[Dormouse]: I forgive you too, but mostly because I'm a little bit terrified of you right now.
[Haigha]: Now you're double forgiven. This is great.
[Dormouse]: Fuck you.
[Hatta]: Foul mouth, Dormouse.
[Dormouse]: Really??? You're doing this NOW??
[Ready For My Close Up]: I can't even drink coffee, so I don't care about any of this.
[Ready For My Close Up]: Makes great entertainment, though.
[Royal Fool]: some1 poisoned the coffee n it wasn't me this was hilarious XD XD XD
[Two For One Special]: We don't drink coffee either, but we'd like to add that tea would actually be appreciated by more than just the Hatter
[BruceTheBat]: Your reactions to one of you poisoning the others both greatly worries me and strangely reminds me of my children interacting with each other, which worries me for entirely new reasons
[Gotham's Plant Queen]: Thanks for handling this Vic.
[Nora's Husband]: Someone must
[Nora's Husband]: However, the drinks available to us are indeed abysmal. It is not that difficult to supply hot chocolate, considering you are not wasting any funds on salaries.
[Two For One Special]: Yeah, which reminds us
[Two For One Special]: We've been looking into it, and we're pretty sure the law would view our current situation as slavery. The fact that none of us volunteered nor are we allowed to quit is suspicious as fuck
[Hatta]: I've spoken to my brother Fugate, and with you he's in agreement.
[Hatta]: He says it's illegal, unjust, and plainly unfair — I do believe he's against our placement here.
[BruceTheBat]: This place isn't that bad, guys
[BruceTheBat]: It's better than Arkham, at any rate.
[Dormouse]: That doesn't change the fact that we're illegally being kept as slave labor and you won't even provide us paltry treats as consolation.
[BruceTheBat]: FINE. I'll get you some tea and hot chocolate.
[BruceTheBat]: I'll even splurge for some milks and creamers.
[BruceTheBat]: But if ANYONE tampers with ANY food or drink in ANY way you will ALL be restricted to only water and basic food until I'm satisfied it won't happen again. And I am not a trusting man.
[BruceTheBat]: Deal?
[Hatta]: If it means I can drink tea with my morning meal, then you dear Bat have got a deal!
[BruceTheBat]: I'm going to need to hear it from the usual suspects at the very least, if not all of you.
[Haigha]: If it secured my coffee, I'd show up to work in a monkey suit. I can refrain from interfering with the others' nutrition for a while.
[Gotham's Plant Queen]: Fine, but only because Harley basically needs coffee to live.
[Plant Princess Harley]: THANKS RED ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
[Royal Fool]: imma need more incentive than that
[Dormouse]: Did you miss the part where we're getting hot chocolate as well?
[Royal Fool]: DEAL DEAL DEAL DEAL DEAL!!!!!
[BruceTheBat]: What has my life become??
[Kitty Cat Burglar]: Sometimes I wish I'd gotten caught and ruled insane just so I could be a part of this nonsense.
[Emperor Penguin]: Consider though, luv, that instead of being a part of it, we get a front row seat to it.
[Kitty Cat Burglar]: Hmm... True.
Comments (0)
No comments yet. Be the first to send some love!
Comments carried over from AO3 (16)
These were left on the original AO3 posting and are shown as they appeared there.
PLEASE write more!!! 🤍🤎♥️❤️💙💚💛💜🖤🧡🩷🩶🩵🫀❤️🔥
It has been done! 😁 😁 😁
Happy spooky season! 🎃🎃🎃
🎃🎃🎃
The frozen-hearted mad scientist is all their dad, and the undead-tree feminist is their aunt. This should tell you how crazy Gotham is 😂
Seriously, amazing fic 😍, can't wait for the next chapter!
Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed! 😁
This is a lot of fun! (I can't keep track of everyone and don't know a couple characters but that's on me and it's still soo good!!!)
1 Gothams Plant Queen - Poison Ivy
2 Bruce The Bat - Batman/Bruce Wayne
3 Dormouse - Riddler
4 Ready For My Close Up - ClayFace
5 Haigha - Scarecrow
6 Hatta - Mad Hatter
7 Emperor Penguin - Penguin
8 Nora's Husband - Mr Freeze
9 Kitty Cat Burglar - Catwoman
10 Plant Princess Harley - Harley Quinn
11 Royal Fool - Joker
12 Two For One Special - Two-Face
13 Croc - Killer Croc
14 Manny - Manbat ➖ Langstrom
Hope this helps!
Poison Ivy is a reborn feminist & plant activist, who has a poisonous kiss, that can hypnotize men.
Riddler is an obsessive genius, who dresses in green spandex, and does does crime and leaves clues. He also makes giant mazes, which he traps people in. He is obsessed with batman and showing his intelligence. He got cancer, cured it with the Lazarus Pits, and came back and became a villain. He has a ❓ shaped cane. His theme is question marks.
Batman is a rich man who saw his parents murdered when he was a kid. He left Gotham, trained for many years, and now fights crime in a bat suit (and keeps adopting kids/sidekicks).
ClayFace is... A giant pile of goo? He used to be an actor, and thinks his roles are who he actually is (schizophrenic). He can also shapeshift.
Scarecrow is an ex psychologist, who specialized in fear. He now dresses as a scarecrow and spreads his Feartoxin (a substance that makes you relive you worse fear, tho that varies depending on series), he also used to be a teacher, and it is a popular head canon that he taught Harley. He also hates Christians, and has religious trauma from his great-grandmother.
Mad Hatter is an ex neurologist, who went insane, thought he was the mad hatter, and that his coworker was Alice, hypnotized her, and speaks in rhymes (tho this writer usually tones down his worse parts, as well as other characters worse parts).
Penguin is a rich mobster? Pretty much the only non-insane rogue. He almost never gets caught, if he does he goes to an actual prison, not the asylum. The most successful out of all of them, if you ask me. He also runs the Iceberg Lounge, hotspot for crime in Gotham.
Mr Freeze is the saddest batman villain... He does crime to try and save his dying wife, who is currently in cryostasis. He is stuck in a survival suit? Kinda like a space suit, he is stuck in it, because he requires below freezing temperatures to survive (because of a lab accident). He uses technology to freeze things in his crimes. He is a cryogenics scientist. 🩵 His wife's name is Nora.
Catwoman is a cat burglar, who dresses as a cat. She flirts with batman a lot. She is very sassy. Her and Bruce (batman) were friends as kids. They both fall in love as Selina (her savilian identity) and Bruce, while fighting as Catwoman and Batman, not knowing each other's identities.
Harley Quinn was a psychologist at Arkham, with some mental issues of her own. She was assigned to joker, fell for him, helped him escape, and became a villain with him. She dresses as a clown (a Harlequin), and works with joker. She is basically the embodiment of cotton candy. She acts kinda like if you gave a child a bunch of candy and coffee, and then set them free in an amusement park. She is also good at acrobatics.
Joker is an insane clown. He was a low-level criminal, who worked for a criminal ring called the Red Hood, until they had him pretend to be their leader, batman fought him, and he fell in a vat of chemicals. He somehow survived, but lost his sanity. He is obsessed with batman (and in love with him). The accident bleached his skin, and turned his lips bright red and his hair green. He dresses a a clown (a joker) and poisons people with his joker venom (which in canon makes them laugh, and then kills them, tho in fannon people often soften that so that it just makes them laugh, or makes them go into a coma). He is Batman's greatest foe.
Two-Face was an amazing lawyer in Gotham. Trying to clean up the city. He was a friend of Bruce's. He also had split personality disorder. Through out high school and his adult life, he pushed down any violent or aggressive thoughts, which became Big Bad Harv. All of which he was able to hide and manage, until an accident happen, leaving half his body covered in scars, leaving him blaming the police and batman for this, and letting Harv out to play. Harv formed to protect young Harvey, but ended up becoming the scum he hated most. As they fight against each other, they use a special coin to decide who makes the decisions.
Killer Croc is... A deformed crocodile-man? Sorry, honestly don't know much about him.
Manny is Manbat ➖ Langstrom. He is kinda a character made by this author? (Tho taken from a real character?). Manny is very adorable, and basically a giant child. Everyone loves Manny. Cannon - Langstrom a scientist who studied bats. He experimented on himself, mixing bat DNA into his, turning himself into a kinda a giant bat. Bruce Wayne (batman) made a cure for him, turning him back into a human. Langstrom reinfected himself (on purpose), and turned himself back into Manbat. He was also mistaken as batman at first.
Hope this helps!
PS: most my understanding of this comes from fandom and my sisters ramblings. So, maybe take this with a grain of salt!
PS: my sister just told me that Langstrom did NOT purposely reinfect himself (depending on cannon the cure was faulty, it was a split personality, the stuff that turned him was addictive, or someone else reinfected him). I was thinking of creeper (a different character, who is basically mini-joker, and I like to change him so that he is Joker's adopted son). My bad.
Ohmygosh this is so amazing!!! (also THE RIDDLER WAS IN THE PITS?! WHAT?!) THIS IS SO GOOD! I feel like this should be pinned to most fannon works so those of use who just read the fics know what's happening!!! <3
Glad I could help 😊
I made it into a fic! 😊
https://archiveofourown.org/works/75081156
I'm so glad you like it! Thanks!
Yeah, with as big a cast as Batman as, this fandom really is a coin toss on knowing who anyone is 😂
I'd explain, but it seems like someone beat me to it... How kind. :)
OMG this is amazing!
Vic just coming in and fixing it 😂 he is ALL of their dad 😂
Please write more! 🥺🧐
Thanks! No more yet, sorry :/ Glad you enjoyed, though! 😁
One of the funniest things I have read in a while, speant a good amount of time laughing inbetween in each bit
Aw, thank you! I absolutely LOVE knowing I made someone laugh. 😁 😁 😁
(Previous comment deleted.)
Thank you! 😍
I'm glad you enjoyed it 😀
(Previous comment deleted.)
Ah, sorry, but no. People close to me have dealt with scammers, hackers, and even stalkers in the past, so I don't connect with anyone online unless I know them in real life. And besides that, I don't really use social media. I'm glad you like the fic, though! 😁
Those nicknames are diabolical. Also not a foc I'm gonna read in class I had to wheeze so hard so many times. I think my highlight was "the last of the waynes"
1) Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying and like the nicknames. I love knowing I made someone laugh 😊
2) What does foc mean?
3) Why do so many people read my fics during class?? 🤣
1) you're welcome 😊
2 I meant fic. My phone broke I can barely type anymore 😭
3) bc class is boring lol
Dang what school r they in
Ours still has chemistry equipment from a past country (no joke) and our sun system tables sill list Pluto as a planet.
Also I want Joker as chemistry teacher I'm bad at it anyway might as well die in school 😭
A very, very crazy school, is what they're in XD
Okay, so I was homeschooled and I knew school equipment is usually outdated, but I didn't know it could be THAT bad 😯
I'm glad you're enjoying the fic 😊
I love it
Where I'm from home school isn't allowed so I assumed my pain was universal lol
Can't be a public school that's for sure lol
It weirds me out that they can ban homeschool anywhere. Parents should have the right to teach their kids themselves. Formal, external schooling should always be optional, in my opinion.
It doesn't help that public schools basically all suck XD
Ok now I gotta ask what scarecrows nickname means. Mabye I'm nott American enough to understand?😭
Oh, right, I forgot that this isn't common knowledge — in 'Alice Through The Looking Glass', it's revealed that the March Hare and the Hatter have actual names: Haigha and Hatta.
1. How does Fries type when he has gloves on
2. ENSLAVING people as TEACHERS is just double cruelty someone call human resources or the un or whoever is in Charge for that
3. How is a mental asylum for the criminally insane worse than a public school (especially in America no offense)
4. Joker is right. Coffee isn't fun
i laughed so w my life at Harv's contact name 😭
The nicknames are the best part of a chat fic, honestly XD
Glad to know I made you laugh. Query: what does 'so w my life' mean?
Thanks for commenting! :)
NOT TWO-FACE TALKING TO HIMSELF KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
It's not Twoface if he's not talking to himself 😂
I'm glad you're enjoying! 😁
Lol, now I want an entire fic about the kids school group chat 😆
[Dormouse]: My friendship with Oswald may have involved a little bit of mild childhood brainwashing, but it's one I cherish nonetheless.
WTAF 😂😂😂
I love Eddie+Twosie SO MUCH! THEY ARE ADORABLE!!!
The amount of times I had to muffle giggles bc my spouse is sleeping probably exceeded once per chapter I love them <3
Log in or join free to leave a comment. Guests can still send sparks!