Not RatedGenIn progress

Somehow We Became Teachers

Warnings
Creator chose not to add warnings
Fandom
Batman - All Media Types
Main relationship
Jonathan Crane/Jervis Tetch
Other relationships
Joker (DCU)/Bruce Wayne Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel Oswald Cobblepot/Selina Kyle Nora Fries/Victor Fries
Main characters
Jonathan Crane Jervis Tetch
Other characters
Bruce Wayne Joker (DCU) Edward Nygma Harleen Quinzel Pamela Isley Victor Fries Clayface (DCU) Harvey Dent Harv Dent Waylon Jones Manbat | Manny Oswald Cobblepot Selina Kyle Barbara Gordon Stephanie Brown Duela Dent Tim Drake (DCU)
Other tags
Texting Texting Fic High School Crack Humor Nicknames Edward Nygma is Called Edward Nashton and he is not okay with that Rhyming Jervis Tetch Edward Nygma is Stephanie Brown's Parent Insults Friendship Love Friendship/Love Trauma Hacking Mystery I'm hiding clues for a mystery but it probably won't work because the clues are based mostly on my h no-one is a murderer/rapist/cannibal/pedophile in this whoever in-universe thought up this program was insane but not THAT insane Arkham Rogues did you know that Clock King and Jervis were brothers in one comic? I will forever keep this fact as Kirk Langstrom and Manbat are Different People (Batman) Halloween Halloween Costumes Apologies I can't decide who Clayface is so maybe he's actually a few people that got combined and that's why and why even Batman calls him Clay in this Nora doesn't actually appear of course but everyone loves her
Language
English
Originally published
on AO3 · updated 16 Mar 2026
Stats
11.6k words8 chapters + 1 interlude 90 sparks0 comments0 bookmarks36 readsUpdated 16 Mar 2026
Summary

Ten of Arkham's inmates are forced to become teachers as part of an experimental new therapy program. They live and work at a highschool, with proximity collars that won't let them leave the premises.

This is their group chat.

Notes

Group Chat Members List:
* Bruce Wayne/Batman
* Jack Napier/Joker
* Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow
* Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter
* Edward Nygma/Riddler
* Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn
* Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy
* Victor Fries/Mr. Freeze
* Clayface
* Harvey & Harv Dent/Twoface
* Waylon Jones/Croc

Chapter 4: In Which Detention Is Not Given, Names Are Reassigned, And An Old Friend Returns


So in my headcanons Kirk Langstrom only had a few forays as Manbat before The Joker semi-accidentally separated the two. Kirk and his family went to Europe, and Manny became the unofficial mascot of Gotham.

[Ivy]: Nygma your child is a nightmare

 

[Dormouse]: Excuse me?

 

[Ivy]: She glitterbombed my class

 

[Dormouse]: Oh, that.

[Dormouse]: Yeah I may have told her what you did to my riddle books

[Dormouse]: She wasn't pleased

 

[Ready For My Close Up]: What did Pammy do to your books?

 

[Dormouse]: You know how I went silent on the group chat for three days?

[Dormouse]: Ivy was holding my riddle books hostage to, quote, "shut me up"

[Dormouse]: Which reminds me...

 

[Dormouse] changed 1 nickname

 

[ThatGreenBitch]: Oh no

[ThatGreenBitch]: Actually, I kinda love this

[ThatGreenBitch]: Thanks, Nygma

 

[Dormouse]: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING, YOU BITCH

 

[ThatGreenBitch]: Yep 😈 

 

[Nora's Husband]: I don't wish to say this, but Stephanie does indeed have behavioral issues.

 

[Dormouse]: What? How did she piss YOU off, Victor?

 

[Nora's Husband]: She began singing Christmas carols in the middle of class.

[Nora's Husband]: Her response to me telling her she was being disruptive was to sing louder.

[Nora's Husband]: I didn't give her detention and now the other students are accusing me of favoritism.

 

[Ready For My Close Up]: Why didn't you give her detention?

 

[Clownette]: Cause she's his favorite duh

 

[Nora's Husband]: This is true.

 

[Dormouse]: Aw, really?

 

[Nora's Husband]: I believe Nora would be fond of her.

 

[Clownette]: Wow!

[Clownette]: Eddie, that's the highest compliment Freezie can give someone.

 

[Dormouse]: I'm aware

[Dormouse]: Alright Victor, I'll talk to her.

[Dormouse]: But know that I will only be talking to her about POINTLESS disruptions. I will not stifle her by forcing her to obey the ridiculous laws of highschool, even if myself and my friends are her teachers.

 

[Clown1]: DID EDDIE JUST EDMIT TGAT SPOOKY N HATTY ARENT HIS ONLY FRIENDS IN THIS GROUP

 

[Ready For My Close Up]: By golly, I think he did.

 

[Dormouse]: Shut up, you assholes

 

[Hatta]: Now now, Dormouse dear, I fail to see a need for foul language here

 

[Dormouse]: Come on, Jervis! You never get mad when Jon curses

 

[Haigha]: That's because I'm his fucking favorite :)

 

[Hatta]: That is true

 

[Dormouse]: And his favorite fuck

 

[Haigha]: EDWARD!

 

[Hatta]: Also true

 

[Haigha]: JERVIS!

 

[Clownette]: Is it possible to hear a blush? Cause I can hear you blushing from here, Professor

 

[Haigha]: With all due respect child, SHUT THE FUCK UP

 

[Clown1]: ya wanna rephrase that spooky

 

[ThatGreenBitch]: Watch how you talk to my girlfriend, straw face

 

[Dormouse]: What is with you and 'face'??

 

[Ready For My Close Up]: Hey, Pammy and the clown are actually on the same side for once!

 

[See Ya Later Waylon]: wll thats terrifyin

 

[Clown1]: were always on the same side when it comes to harl

 

[ThatGreenBitch]: Yeah and that side's called 'respect her or else' 🔪 

 

[Clown1]: oooh r we progressing to actual threats now

 

[ThatGreenBitch]: Yes

 

[Clown1]: yay!

[Clown1]: 🔪 

 

[Haigha]: Fine, alright! I'm sorry!

 

[Clownette]: It's okay professor, I know you didn't really mean anything mean by it :) :) :)

 

[Haigha]: Why don't you tell that to your bodyguards?

 

[ThatGreenBitch]: Excuse you, I am no-one's bodyguard

[ThatGreenBitch]: I am simply a queen protecting her princess

[ThatGreenBitch]: I'll accept Joker as her bodyguard, though. I suppose.

 

[Clown1]: told ya wed start to bond eventually!!!

 

[ThatGreenBitch]: Go fuck yourself

 

[Two For One Special]: Why aren't you both queens?

 

[ThatGreenBitch]: I love Harley, but there's only room for one queen in the plant kingdom of Gotham

 

[Dormouse]: Oh! That gives me an idea!

 

[Dormouse] changed 3 nicknames

 

[Dormouse]: Joker, Ivy, Quinn! Check it out!

 

[Gotham's Plant Queen]: What did you do, Nygma?

[Gotham's Plant Queen]: Wait I actually like this

 

[Plant Princess Harley]: WHAT DID YOU GIVE ME? WHAT DID YOU GIVE ME?

[Plant Princess Harley]: I LOVE IT 😍😍😍 

 

[Princess Harley's Bodyguard]: aw but I liked my name

[Princess Harley's Bodyguard]: ok I like the joke but I wanna different name

[Princess Harley's Bodyguard]: dont know how to handle that if im being honest

 

[Dormouse]: Okay, how's this?

 

[Dormouse] changed 1 nickname

 

[Royal Fool]: lets see

[Royal Fool]: YES

 

[Dormouse]: As long as I'm already doing this, anyone else want a different name?

 

[See Ya Later Waylon]: can i just b croc

 

[Dormouse]: That's so simple, though

 

[See Ya Later Waylon]: pls i rlly like bing croc

 

[Dormouse]: Oh, alright. Fine.

 

[Dormouse] changed 1 nickname

 

[Croc]: thx

 

[Dormouse]: Anyone else?

 

[Ready For My Close Up]: Can I be Lord Of Theater?

 

[Dormouse]: Absolutely not.

 

[Ready For My Close Up]: Aw :(

 

[Plant Princess Harley]: GUYS I JUST SPOTTED MANNY

 

[Dormouse]: Really? Where?

 

[Plant Princess Harley]: He's in the belltower!

 

[Royal Fool]: oh yay imma go say hi :D

 

[Two For One Special]: Why the fuck does this school have a belltower?

 

[Dormouse]: This is Gotham, every other fucking building has a belltower

 

[Hatta]: Did we not just talk about this? A cleaner tongue would not be remiss.

 

[Dormouse]: SERIOUSLY? THEY CURSED TOO!

 

[Hatta]: Yes, but while they are indeed my friends, they're not permanent guests of my tea party.

[Hatta]: Unlike the others, my dearest Dormouse, you are in some ways my responsibility.

 

[Haigha]: Translation — you're his best friend in the fucking world and therefore he has license to mess with you however the Hell he wants.

 

[Dormouse]: Okay, now you're rubbing it in that he lets you curse.

 

[Haigha]: Of course I fucking am.

 

[Royal Fool]: guys defcon 1 Manny thought we were missing this whole timd

[Royal Fool]: hes really upset

 

[Ready For My Close Up]: Damn it, did no one tell him?

 

[Hatta]: I had to inform my brother about my new role, I doubt many were told we now run the school.

 

[Royal Fool]: GUYS HES CRYIKG IM NOT GOOD WITH EMOTIONS HELP

 

[Gotham's Plant Queen]: Harley's making me come, we'll be there in a few minutes

 

[Two For One Special]: Harvey's making me come, we'll meet up with you

[Two For One Special]: Oh please you want to see him too and you know it.

 

[Croc]: tell manny i ll be there in a sec

 

[Ready For My Close Up]: Can the belltower even fit all of us?

 

[Plant Princess Harley]: Guess we're finding out soon!

 

[Nora's Husband]: My classroom has blankets so the students don't freeze. There's extra. Someone ask Manbat if he plans to make a nest and if he wants the blankets to start with.

 

[BruceTheBat]: I was gone for five minutes, why are all the names different??

[BruceTheBat]: And when did my villains become so soft?

 

[Royal Fool]: AW YA CALLED US YOURS 😍😍😍

 

[Dormouse]: In my defense I was left unsupervised with the nickname settings.

90 carried over from the original posting

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Comments carried over from AO3 (16)

These were left on the original AO3 posting and are shown as they appeared there.

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 1 · 2025-10-30

PLEASE write more!!! 🤍🤎♥️❤️💙💚💛💜🖤🧡🩷🩶🩵🫀❤️‍🔥

Arukir Author via AO3 2025-11-01

It has been done! 😁 😁 😁

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 3 · 2025-10-31

Happy spooky season! 🎃🎃🎃

Arukir Author via AO3 2025-11-02

🎃🎃🎃

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 5 · 2025-11-02

The frozen-hearted mad scientist is all their dad, and the undead-tree feminist is their aunt. This should tell you how crazy Gotham is 😂

Seriously, amazing fic 😍, can't wait for the next chapter!

Arukir Author via AO3 2025-12-02

Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed! 😁

personface via AO3 on Chapter 5 · 2025-11-08

This is a lot of fun! (I can't keep track of everyone and don't know a couple characters but that's on me and it's still soo good!!!)

Gontonyak via AO3 2025-11-10

1 Gothams Plant Queen - Poison Ivy
2 Bruce The Bat - Batman/Bruce Wayne
3 Dormouse - Riddler
4 Ready For My Close Up - ClayFace
5 Haigha - Scarecrow
6 Hatta - Mad Hatter
7 Emperor Penguin - Penguin
8 Nora's Husband - Mr Freeze
9 Kitty Cat Burglar - Catwoman
10 Plant Princess Harley - Harley Quinn
11 Royal Fool - Joker
12 Two For One Special - Two-Face
13 Croc - Killer Croc
14 Manny - Manbat ➖ Langstrom

Hope this helps!

Gontonyak via AO3 2025-11-10

Poison Ivy is a reborn feminist & plant activist, who has a poisonous kiss, that can hypnotize men.

Riddler is an obsessive genius, who dresses in green spandex, and does does crime and leaves clues. He also makes giant mazes, which he traps people in. He is obsessed with batman and showing his intelligence. He got cancer, cured it with the Lazarus Pits, and came back and became a villain. He has a ❓ shaped cane. His theme is question marks.

Batman is a rich man who saw his parents murdered when he was a kid. He left Gotham, trained for many years, and now fights crime in a bat suit (and keeps adopting kids/sidekicks).

ClayFace is... A giant pile of goo? He used to be an actor, and thinks his roles are who he actually is (schizophrenic). He can also shapeshift.

Scarecrow is an ex psychologist, who specialized in fear. He now dresses as a scarecrow and spreads his Feartoxin (a substance that makes you relive you worse fear, tho that varies depending on series), he also used to be a teacher, and it is a popular head canon that he taught Harley. He also hates Christians, and has religious trauma from his great-grandmother.

Mad Hatter is an ex neurologist, who went insane, thought he was the mad hatter, and that his coworker was Alice, hypnotized her, and speaks in rhymes (tho this writer usually tones down his worse parts, as well as other characters worse parts).

Penguin is a rich mobster? Pretty much the only non-insane rogue. He almost never gets caught, if he does he goes to an actual prison, not the asylum. The most successful out of all of them, if you ask me. He also runs the Iceberg Lounge, hotspot for crime in Gotham.

Mr Freeze is the saddest batman villain... He does crime to try and save his dying wife, who is currently in cryostasis. He is stuck in a survival suit? Kinda like a space suit, he is stuck in it, because he requires below freezing temperatures to survive (because of a lab accident). He uses technology to freeze things in his crimes. He is a cryogenics scientist. 🩵 His wife's name is Nora.

Catwoman is a cat burglar, who dresses as a cat. She flirts with batman a lot. She is very sassy. Her and Bruce (batman) were friends as kids. They both fall in love as Selina (her savilian identity) and Bruce, while fighting as Catwoman and Batman, not knowing each other's identities.

Harley Quinn was a psychologist at Arkham, with some mental issues of her own. She was assigned to joker, fell for him, helped him escape, and became a villain with him. She dresses as a clown (a Harlequin), and works with joker. She is basically the embodiment of cotton candy. She acts kinda like if you gave a child a bunch of candy and coffee, and then set them free in an amusement park. She is also good at acrobatics.

Joker is an insane clown. He was a low-level criminal, who worked for a criminal ring called the Red Hood, until they had him pretend to be their leader, batman fought him, and he fell in a vat of chemicals. He somehow survived, but lost his sanity. He is obsessed with batman (and in love with him). The accident bleached his skin, and turned his lips bright red and his hair green. He dresses a a clown (a joker) and poisons people with his joker venom (which in canon makes them laugh, and then kills them, tho in fannon people often soften that so that it just makes them laugh, or makes them go into a coma). He is Batman's greatest foe.

Two-Face was an amazing lawyer in Gotham. Trying to clean up the city. He was a friend of Bruce's. He also had split personality disorder. Through out high school and his adult life, he pushed down any violent or aggressive thoughts, which became Big Bad Harv. All of which he was able to hide and manage, until an accident happen, leaving half his body covered in scars, leaving him blaming the police and batman for this, and letting Harv out to play. Harv formed to protect young Harvey, but ended up becoming the scum he hated most. As they fight against each other, they use a special coin to decide who makes the decisions.

Killer Croc is... A deformed crocodile-man? Sorry, honestly don't know much about him.

Manny is Manbat ➖ Langstrom. He is kinda a character made by this author? (Tho taken from a real character?). Manny is very adorable, and basically a giant child. Everyone loves Manny. Cannon - Langstrom a scientist who studied bats. He experimented on himself, mixing bat DNA into his, turning himself into a kinda a giant bat. Bruce Wayne (batman) made a cure for him, turning him back into a human. Langstrom reinfected himself (on purpose), and turned himself back into Manbat. He was also mistaken as batman at first.

Hope this helps!

PS: most my understanding of this comes from fandom and my sisters ramblings. So, maybe take this with a grain of salt!

PS: my sister just told me that Langstrom did NOT purposely reinfect himself (depending on cannon the cure was faulty, it was a split personality, the stuff that turned him was addictive, or someone else reinfected him). I was thinking of creeper (a different character, who is basically mini-joker, and I like to change him so that he is Joker's adopted son). My bad.

personface via AO3 2025-11-12

Ohmygosh this is so amazing!!! (also THE RIDDLER WAS IN THE PITS?! WHAT?!) THIS IS SO GOOD! I feel like this should be pinned to most fannon works so those of use who just read the fics know what's happening!!! <3

Gontonyak via AO3 2025-11-12

Glad I could help 😊

Gontonyak via AO3 2025-12-02

I made it into a fic! 😊

https://archiveofourown.org/works/75081156

Arukir Author via AO3 2025-12-02

I'm so glad you like it! Thanks!

Yeah, with as big a cast as Batman as, this fandom really is a coin toss on knowing who anyone is 😂

I'd explain, but it seems like someone beat me to it... How kind. :)

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 6 · 2025-11-10

OMG this is amazing!

Vic just coming in and fixing it 😂 he is ALL of their dad 😂

Please write more! 🥺🧐

Arukir Author via AO3 2025-12-02

Thanks! No more yet, sorry :/ Glad you enjoyed, though! 😁

Dot_Burn via AO3 on Chapter 1 · 2025-11-14

One of the funniest things I have read in a while, speant a good amount of time laughing inbetween in each bit

Arukir Author via AO3 2025-12-02

Aw, thank you! I absolutely LOVE knowing I made someone laugh. 😁 😁 😁

(deleted) via AO3

(Previous comment deleted.)

Arukir Author via AO3 2025-12-02

Thank you! 😍

I'm glad you enjoyed it 😀

(deleted) via AO3

(Previous comment deleted.)

Arukir Author via AO3 2025-12-02

Ah, sorry, but no. People close to me have dealt with scammers, hackers, and even stalkers in the past, so I don't connect with anyone online unless I know them in real life. And besides that, I don't really use social media. I'm glad you like the fic, though! 😁

originalmeepbird via AO3 on Chapter 1 · 2026-01-27

Those nicknames are diabolical. Also not a foc I'm gonna read in class I had to wheeze so hard so many times. I think my highlight was "the last of the waynes"

Arukir Author via AO3 2026-01-27

1) Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying and like the nicknames. I love knowing I made someone laugh 😊
2) What does foc mean?
3) Why do so many people read my fics during class?? 🤣

originalmeepbird via AO3 2026-01-27

1) you're welcome 😊
2 I meant fic. My phone broke I can barely type anymore 😭
3) bc class is boring lol

originalmeepbird via AO3 on Chapter 3 · 2026-01-27

Dang what school r they in
Ours still has chemistry equipment from a past country (no joke) and our sun system tables sill list Pluto as a planet.
Also I want Joker as chemistry teacher I'm bad at it anyway might as well die in school 😭

Arukir Author via AO3 2026-01-27

A very, very crazy school, is what they're in XD

Okay, so I was homeschooled and I knew school equipment is usually outdated, but I didn't know it could be THAT bad 😯

I'm glad you're enjoying the fic 😊

originalmeepbird via AO3 2026-01-27

I love it
Where I'm from home school isn't allowed so I assumed my pain was universal lol
Can't be a public school that's for sure lol

Arukir Author via AO3 2026-02-03

It weirds me out that they can ban homeschool anywhere. Parents should have the right to teach their kids themselves. Formal, external schooling should always be optional, in my opinion.

It doesn't help that public schools basically all suck XD

originalmeepbird via AO3 on Chapter 4 · 2026-01-27

Ok now I gotta ask what scarecrows nickname means. Mabye I'm nott American enough to understand?😭

Arukir Author via AO3 2026-01-27

Oh, right, I forgot that this isn't common knowledge — in 'Alice Through The Looking Glass', it's revealed that the March Hare and the Hatter have actual names: Haigha and Hatta.

originalmeepbird via AO3 on Chapter 6 · 2026-01-29

1. How does Fries type when he has gloves on
2. ENSLAVING people as TEACHERS is just double cruelty someone call human resources or the un or whoever is in Charge for that
3. How is a mental asylum for the criminally insane worse than a public school (especially in America no offense)
4. Joker is right. Coffee isn't fun

Insira_texto via AO3 on Chapter 1 · 2026-02-04

i laughed so w my life at Harv's contact name 😭

Arukir Author via AO3 2026-02-04

The nicknames are the best part of a chat fic, honestly XD

Glad to know I made you laugh. Query: what does 'so w my life' mean?

Thanks for commenting! :)

Insira_texto via AO3 on Chapter 2 · 2026-02-04

NOT TWO-FACE TALKING TO HIMSELF KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Arukir Author via AO3 2026-02-04

It's not Twoface if he's not talking to himself 😂

I'm glad you're enjoying! 😁

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 8 · 2026-03-16

Lol, now I want an entire fic about the kids school group chat 😆

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 9 · 2026-03-16

[Dormouse]: My friendship with Oswald may have involved a little bit of mild childhood brainwashing, but it's one I cherish nonetheless.

WTAF 😂😂😂

 

I love Eddie+Twosie SO MUCH! THEY ARE ADORABLE!!!

punknerdmusings via AO3 on Chapter 9 · 2026-04-11

The amount of times I had to muffle giggles bc my spouse is sleeping probably exceeded once per chapter I love them <3

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